Andrew Dice Clay Professions : Comedian Born : September 29, 1957 Browse All Authors Top 58 quotes by Andrew Dice Clay When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, "As long as I can walk and I'm healthy, there's always tomorrow." Andrew Dice Clay funeral parent long I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water. Andrew Dice Clay blow water years I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life. You know what I mean? I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands. Andrew Dice Clay real running mean I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I'm very much in touch with the world. Andrew Dice Clay people world thinking When I did a sitcom and played a postman, I was brought to tears playing that postman, because I felt like one. I didn't grow up even wanting to be a post man. Now, I understand the meaning of the term "postal." I was bored to tears. And what was funny was that the producer actually looked like a bug. Andrew Dice Clay growing-up bored men I just like to make people laugh. Andrew Dice Clay making-people-laugh laughing people My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, "I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny." Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic. Andrew Dice Clay real mother father I make people laugh hard; I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, "I'll be dirty and they'll laugh." Nobody's becoming a superstar that way. Andrew Dice Clay laughing people dirty Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously. Andrew Dice Clay keys long dirty All the subject matter I talk about isn't new; all comics talk about the same things. But it's how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one. Andrew Dice Clay differences matter looks You know, women are acting the way they want to act now. Years ago they would hide it in the way they dressed, the way they speak, even the way they act in bed. Today, they're doing the same thing, but they're dressing the way they want to be treated and, when you're with them, acting the way they want to act. And you know, honesty is the best policy. I love that. Andrew Dice Clay honesty acting years When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone. Andrew Dice Clay producers directors I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that. Andrew Dice Clay bed girl real I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of. Andrew Dice Clay growing-up parent giving I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much; I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that. Andrew Dice Clay people looks thinking Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me. Andrew Dice Clay tired might watches People have always been animals when it comes to sex. But since the Internet, it's become really out of control, in my opinion. Andrew Dice Clay animal sex people I always believed you could fix whatever problems. Andrew Dice Clay always-believe problem Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors