Arthur Smith Professions : Comedian Born : November 27, 1954 Browse All Authors Top 47 quotes by Arthur Smith The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance. Arthur Smith shapes different moon The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into water, but that's about it. Arthur Smith swimming funny fall The best way to prepare for a night out with a Shakespearean tragedy is to do a bit of reading up in the afternoon, eat a light supper - perhaps Welsh rarebit - and then arrive early to do some stretching exercises in the foyer before curtain-up. Arthur Smith reading exercise night Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the scary George Bush person: all these things are important and should be animating me into outrage. Yet somehow they do not. Arthur Smith ongoing scary important I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo. Arthur Smith monte-carlo week lunch About every four years, someone says to me, "I've got a friend who looks exactly like you." What can you say to this? Arthur Smith four looks years The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer. Arthur Smith painting perception real The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression. Arthur Smith outfits catwalk expression Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world. Arthur Smith eight laughter funny My eyebrows could do with a trim. Arthur Smith eyebrows Listening to Chris Moyles on Radio 1 is the most miserable thing any human being can do, but attending awards ceremonies isn't far behind. Arthur Smith awards radio listening Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office. Arthur Smith acting office play My sister-in-law believes that few narratives are so tightly constructed that you can't skip boring bits and still keep abreast of what's going on. Arthur Smith sister-in-law narrative believe Sky and clouds and trees and little figures relaxing in the perfect rural rhythm of their surroundings: these are the staples of a Gainsborough landscape. Arthur Smith landscape perfect sky clouds The pun exists in a social and political void, caring nothing for the issues of its day, content merely to display itself in its small cleverness. Arthur Smith nothing day political caring Travel books are, by and large, boring. They lodge uncomfortably between fact, fiction and autobiography. Arthur Smith fact books boring travel Give me the new thing and give it to me now. I don't want that old thing - I've seen it, heard it, bought it, slept with it, loved it, but now I'm bored with the old thing and I'm gagging for the new stuff. Arthur Smith loved new me bored When a writer dies you get a higher standard of obituary. Arthur Smith get you dies higher When I was eight or nine, I wrote a new version of 'Peter Pan' for the school play. They didn't use it - I imagine it was unperformable - but as recompense for not doing my script, I was offered any role, and instinctively went for Captain Hook. I came on trying to be terrifying, but everyone laughed at me. Arthur Smith new doing me school Because comedy is cheap to put on: if you've got a play or an opera, there's a whole load of people and a set, but comedy is just one man or woman. And because TV has learned to love comics - there's so many more around now than when I started out. Arthur Smith woman you man love Similar Authors Bob Hope comedian Brent Weinbach comedian Buddy Hackett comedian Bruce Baum comedian Brother Theodore comedian Brother Dave Gardner comedian All Authors