Quotes by Irs Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.' Bill Maher irs war thinking Musicians now find themselves in the unlikely position of being legitimate. At least the IRS thinks so. Billy Joel irs musician thinking The only people helped by the death tax are lawyers, accountants, and IRS agents. Bob Schaffer irs agents people When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have nothing... and in between there's the IRS. Bob Thaves irs world While you're alive, the IRS will attempt to take what you've made. When you're not, the IRS will attempt to take what it missed. Charles J. Givens irs alive made Im sick and tired of politicians beating up on the IRS. We have the best and fairest tax-collection system in the world. Charles Rangel irs tired sick May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense. Christopher Moore irs pet sheep Bringing the IRS to heel can start with re-energizing and expanding congressional investigations and holding accountable those responsible for the targeting and other abuses. Cleta Mitchell irs notable abuse Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents. Conan O'Brien irs yesterday two It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta Dave Barry irs income taxation Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it gets worse all the time. Nobody has ever read the whole thing. IRS workers are afraid to go into the same ROOM with it. Dave Barry irs taxes rooms The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hotlines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. Dave Barry irs tolls ideas Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a "dynamite" tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. Dave Barry irs real advice When I write my annual tax column, some ex-IRS agent will complain, "There you go IRS bashing again." They're always saying that they're just doing their job. Someone I know once said, "You could get another job." Dave Barry irs writing jobs Elements which are similar as regards their chemical properties have atomic weights which are either of nearly the same value (eg. Pt, Ir, Os) or which increase regularly (eg. K, Ru, Cs). Dmitri Mendeleev irs elements weight The only two things that scare me are God and the IRS. Dr. Dre irs scare two The IRS has become morally corrupted by the enormous power which we in Congress have unwisely entrusted to it. Too often it acts like a Gestapo preying upon defenseless citizens. Edward V. Long irs citizens liberty Please understand what the IRS scandal is about: Using the government to shut down opponents Dennis Prager irs opponents government The IRS sent back my tax return saying I owed $800. I said If you'll notice, I sent a paper clip with my return. Given what you've been paying for things lately, that should more than make up the difference. Emo Philips irs differences paper I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference. Emo Philips irs differences government 1234»