Quotes by Thinking I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh. Amy Schumer laughingpeoplethinking Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright. Amy Schumer stageyearsthinking My mom is very good at being passive-aggressive, and my Dad is a total wiseass, so I think the mixture of the two of them is my comedy. But, I am definitely the first comedian in my family. Amy Schumer dadmomthinking I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, 'Hey, I 69'd her on a cruise ship. Amy Schumer crazyrealitythinking I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that. Amy Schumer working-really-hardyearsthinking I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone. Amy Sedaris being-aloneopportunitythinking Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking. Amy Sedaris doorsrelationshipthinking I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt. Amy Sedaris feelingskidsthinking Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs. Amy Sedaris babyorderthinking I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm. Amy Sedaris unattractiveimportantthinking I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like. Amy Sedaris large-familypeoplethinking You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff. Amy Sedaris imaginationjoythinking People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great. Amy Sedaris meanpeoplethinking But I always like to play ugly people who think they're pretty. Amy Sedaris playpeoplethinking I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive. Amy Sedaris unattractivepeoplethinking A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly. Amy Sedaris uglygirlthinking Don't make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you're really good, or it's going to be really practical. If it's a little thing you think is cute 'cause you made it, just forget it. Amy Sedaris littlescutethinking I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off. Amy Sedaris cuttingstoriesthinking I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting. Amy Sedaris playpeoplethinking I always want to look unattractive, it's more fun. I like playing opposites, people who aren't attractive who think they are pretty. That's always interesting to me. Amy Sedaris oppositesfunthinking«178179180181182183184185186187188»
