Quotes by Trying A lot of fancier yarns come from people trying to tell the truth. It’s not easy once you’re out of the habit. Dashiell Hammett yarntryingpeople When you grow up poor, you have to either work really hard to try and get where you want to be, or you'll just stay put. Dat Phan growing-upwanttrying I did whatever it takes to do stand-up. There is an abundance of material in struggling and poverty and trying to make it. There is so much humor in that, it's unlimited. Dat Phan povertystruggletrying Money comes and goes. I'm thankful I have money. I'm trying to save up more. I would like more money. But it's not happiness. If you're a millionaire and hate your family, hate your friends and your life, then what is the point? You're just a person with a lot of money and power who is not happy. Dat Phan hatetryinghappiness It's a horrible economy but I'm trying to do my part. I just bought a new shower curtain it has all the presidents on it. Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with all the presidents staring at you? And when the water hits them it looks like they're crying. Dave Attell presidenttryingwater I'm very romantic when I masturbate. Sometimes I light a candle...then I try and shoot it out. It's like a carnival. Dave Attell lighttryingsometimes Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. Dave Barry arkeducationtrying Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong. Dave Barry catdogtrying Turbulence.” This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, “Folks, we're encountering a little turbulence.” Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water-buffalo organs off the windshield. Dave Barry flyingtryingwater Most of the presidential candidates' economic packages involve 'tax breaks,' which is when the government, amid great fanfare, generously decides not to take quite so much of your income. In other words, these candidates are trying to buy your votes with your own money. Dave Barry presidentialgovernmenttrying Never try to put all the chemicals in the entire world in your body at the same time. Dave Barry bodytryingworld I've always found relationships, men and women, the fact that they are so radically different, and it manifests itself in so many different ways, and yet somehow we still try to live together and be friends. I find that endlessly valuable as a source of material for humor. Generally dogs are always funny in my opinion. And the federal government - just a relentlessly productive source of humor. Dave Barry dogtryingmen I never start a section of the story without knowing how it will end. I also consciously try to shape the story as though it were a movie. Dave Barry knowingstoriestrying In Los Angeles, the jury in the Reginald Denny Beating trial, after much thinking, concludes, that Person A is not necessarily trying to kill Person B just because Person A happens to very deliberately bash Person B's skull in with a brick. The verdict is applauded by scientists at the Tobacco Institute. Dave Barry skullstryingthinking Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? Dave Barry literaturetryingsports Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration. Dave Barry cartryingtravel And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West. Dave Barry westliteraturetrying The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later. Dave Barry piecesmessagestrying I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. Dave Barry readingtryingpeople Please try not to be such a wiener-head. Dave Barry pleasesarcastictrying«179180181182183184185186187188189»
