A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Milton Berle More Quotes by Milton Berle More Quotes From Milton Berle In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours. Milton Berle threespeakmen My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce. Milton Berle divorcewant-somethingchristmas My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. Milton Berle valentinerealthinking A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living. Milton Berle carnicemen Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together Milton Berle guyhigh-heelstogether Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received. Milton Berle insecurechristmasnumbers There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list. Milton Berle listschristmasson Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me. Milton Berle radiowonderfulpeople Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient. Milton Berle inconvenientdisgracepoverty At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked. Milton Berle partychristmashair I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm. Milton Berle bosschristmasants I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car. Milton Berle christmasyesterdayson I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift." Milton Berle gadgetssawschristmas For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included. Milton Berle batterieschristmas You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that. Milton Berle normalwantlooks My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!" Milton Berle brotherworrylittles I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. Milton Berle husbandfeelsinteresting What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies. Milton Berle orchestramilesmind I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair. Milton Berle christmashomehair The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever. Milton Berle making-lovegonebeautiful
