A new child in the house is a huge tourist attraction. It's like Disneyland, except there the lines are longer and no one brings casseroles. Paul Reiser More Quotes by Paul Reiser More Quotes From Paul Reiser They don't see that whole pattern. Worm/death. Worm/death. I would catch on. Paul Reiser worms patterns whole We all hold on to some image of the family we want, based one way or another on the family we had. Lots of people are thrilled about the families they came from, others couldn't get away fast enough. Most people fall into that vast middle ground: great affection mixed with a few ideas for improvement. A couple of things they wish could have perhaps been done differently. Paul Reiser couple ideas fall People come up to us and ask how we knew so much about their own family... I'm talking about people from faraway places, too. I get people from Turkey and Chile coming up to me and saying I wrote about their family. Paul Reiser turkeys talking people Over the years, there certainly have been plenty of ideas that I've had and given up on, but for this one, the only thing that was standing in its way was me doing it - I just had to write it... And then if it didn't happen, it didn't happen. But I didn't want it to be for lack of effort on my part, so I had hunch that it would be a good story and that we would work well together. And it certainly worked out that way. Paul Reiser writing years ideas You know, the fact that every morning you get a script in your mailbox, that's going to stop. All these little pedestrian, mundane things. And the cash. Paul Reiser cash littles morning Parents often give middle names just so that later, when they're yelling at the kid, they can drag it out. Henry David Thoreau, you come in here this instant! Paul Reiser yelling names kids In the original draft I was 27 and Peter was 55 in the script. That's not the same as a guy in his 40s and a dad in the end of his 70s. It's a different point in both our lives. Paul Reiser dad guy different She kind of reminds one of Helen. There's something very similar about Elizabeth Perkins. Paul Reiser helen comedy kind We had the boy's name picked out, but we didn't have a girl's. When he turned out to be a boy, we were so relieved. Literally, in the middle of contracting and pushing, and with my wife being drugged - out and half - lucid, we were still coming up with names. Paul Reiser girl names boys When you're in @#*!#-ing hell, your forehead can feel a wee bit feverish. (By the way, that's the way my wife actually curses. She doesn't use dirty words; she'll literally say "asterisk, pound sign, exclamation point, the-letter-'A'-with-a-circle-around-it, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.") Paul Reiser exclamation-points funny dirty Two or three times a week, I drive by the houses of numbers 78-100 just to rub it in. Paul Reiser house numbers two But at the same time that the experience is pulling you apart, it's also bonding you. You have this joint venture! You both made this baby. And that's the thing I still can't get over Paul Reiser joints venture baby It turns out most of the conclusions that I've come to in life have equally valid contradictions. I think it's true you need to make a plan, set a goal and stick to it, but I would also advise: Don't keep your eyes so fixed on your goal that you miss what sneaks up to surprise you, because magic will come from unexpected places. Paul Reiser eye goal thinking Why do you think people close their eyes when they kiss? Think about it. In the real world, if you saw someone an-inch-and-a-half away, coming at you with their eyes open and their lips puckered, you'd scream. It's alarming. Paul Reiser kissing eye real The most rewarding part about being a dad is just looking at children who didn't exist at some point. The first time you saw them, they were the size of a quarter, in a sonogram, and now they can pour orange juice and yell at each other. Paul Reiser orange-juice dad children Our date-nightrule is no talking about the kids. That lasts about to the end of the driveway. Paul Reiser lasts talking kids There's something very refreshing about being on stage. Paul Reiser refreshing stage As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb - and that you're not as smart as you thought you were. Paul Reiser smart dumb parent My wife and I never agree on the dishtowels. It's a matter of terms. She asks me not to put the dishtowel in the sink. So I drape it over the sink, but not in the sink. If that's our biggest problem, I think we're in good shape. Paul Reiser wife shapes thinking The first time I tried to put a new diaper on my baby, I yanked the little Velcro strap too jerkily and actually punched the little guy in the jaw. A real solid shot, too. I knew instinctively that this could not be correct. Unless you're specifically trying to raise a welterweight, continual deliverance of powerful uppercuts is not advised when handling newborns. Paul Reiser powerful real baby
