All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like. Phyllis Diller More Quotes by Phyllis Diller More Quotes From Phyllis Diller There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money. Phyllis Diller babymenideas Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him. Phyllis Diller coffeehusbandfunny Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight. Phyllis Diller window-panesweatherkids get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one. Phyllis Diller cakerecipesfeelings Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp? Phyllis Diller carairmen The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when you're away from them, who needs it?. Phyllis Diller babyfunnychildren You want to look younger... rent smaller children. Phyllis Diller wantchildrenlooks My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear. Phyllis Diller underwearshapesbody When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch. Phyllis Diller homekidsschool I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest. Phyllis Diller motherbabylaughing I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs. Phyllis Diller cureshusbandhouse Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller agebirthdayinspirational My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs. Phyllis Diller wigshousenight The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. Phyllis Diller hellolastscareers Comradeship arises from the mirrorage stage of vortex void into symbolic self. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller oldyourknowyou
