All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money. Norm MacDonald More Quotes by Norm MacDonald More Quotes From Norm MacDonald We advise others better than ourselves. Norm MacDonald advise advice Happiness is less regulated by external circumstances than inward enjoyment. Whoever is happy in the satisfaction of himself feels imperturbable felicity; but he, who trusts entirely to the world for the disposition of his peace, must inevitably participate [in] many privations and disappointments. Norm MacDonald inward disappointment happiness It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated. Norm MacDonald those-we-love easier hate Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity. Norm MacDonald vanity mistake men Note to self... Sex with blow-up doll is not as good as advertised. Norm MacDonald self blow sex Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit. Norm MacDonald flattery succeed mind We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation. Norm MacDonald suffering danger fear A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others. Norm MacDonald disposition faults excuse A man's enemies are those he should endeavor first to make his friends. Norm MacDonald men enemy firsts I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing. Norm MacDonald uncle-tom zero knows Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter's moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone. Norm MacDonald jupiter moon believe When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that. Norm MacDonald audience accepted people The standard of morals is as variable as morals themselves; of which every nation has a different code, and every custom a different reading. Norm MacDonald variables different reading Education makes some men wiser, others more ridiculous and foolish! Norm MacDonald ridiculous foolish men Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction. Norm MacDonald youth force restriction The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime. Norm MacDonald doe littles men Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing! Norm MacDonald merry-christmas guy thinking I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous. Norm MacDonald body littles people Our passions may be compared to certain slaves--the more severity we show them, the better they obey us. Norm MacDonald slave passion may It is better to be idle than employed in ill. Norm MacDonald idle laziness ill
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