All schools, all colleges have two great functions to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge. - Notebook, 1908 Mark Twain More Quotes by Mark Twain More Quotes From Mark Twain Some of the worst things in my life never even happened. Mark Twain worst-thingshappenedworst The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example Mark Twain always-tryingreligiousideas I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. Mark Twain forgivenesssuicidedeath Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain sarcasticinspirationalfunny Does the human being reason? No; he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more. Mark Twain hearttwothinking In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain truthinspiringlife Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die. Mark Twain so-sicksickfirsts A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. Mark Twain businessmotivationalfunny The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. Mark Twain inspirationallifedeath No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. Mark Twain twentiesinspirationfirsts The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands. Mark Twain salarynoisemen As soon as a man recognizes that he has drifted into age, he gets reminiscent. He wants to talk and talk; and not about the present or the future, but about his old times. For there is where the pathos of his life lies - and the charm of it. The pathos of it is there because it was opulent with treasures that are gone, and the charm of it is in casting them up from the musty ledgers and remembering how rich and gracious they were. Mark Twain agemenlying There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled. Mark Twain christianbloodson When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides? Mark Twain partyteachingcountry This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few - few - are they that enter in thereat has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate. Mark Twain christiancountryamerica The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year. Mark Twain sillymenmean Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river. Mark Twain riversaddwater Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain writinginspirationalfunny We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. Mark Twain virginiamusicmen What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it. Mark Twain good-timespastfirsts
