An integral part of any best friend's job is to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Darynda Jones More Quotes by Darynda Jones More Quotes From Darynda Jones You were the one who hit me on the roof? I hit you on the jaw. We just happened to be on a roof at the time. Darynda Jones roof happened Can I jump in your body and make out with my wife through you?” I fought a grin. “It doesn’t really work that way.” “Then can you just make out with my wife and pretend I’m in your body?” “No.” “I can pay. I have money.” “How much we talking? Darynda Jones wife body talking You’re just using me for my body.” “You don’t have a body,” I’d remind him. “Throw that in my face.” “Technically, you don’t have a face either. Darynda Jones body using-me faces We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT. Darynda Jones rays body want See you in a few. Hold down the fort, Mr. Wong! Darynda Jones forts Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies." "I'm a good singer, mom." Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous. I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?" "No," she whispered. "Are you gonna tell her?" "No. It's much funnier this way. Darynda Jones dad lonely mom Does your uncle need anything? A coffee? A latte?” “He needs someone to bear his illegitimate child if you’re interested Darynda Jones uncles coffee children You can’t have him, okay,” she said from behind the wire barrier. “Mm-hmm,” I whispered. “This is certainly a beautiful neighborhood.” “Yeah, I guess.” “I will scratch those eyes out of your ugly head. Darynda Jones wire eye beautiful Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot. Darynda Jones desks carrots psychics A split second later, my life flashed before my eyes, and I came to one important conclusion about it. It was fun while it lasted. Darynda Jones important eye fun Come here often?' I asked instead, humoring no one but myself. So it was totally worth it. Darynda Jones worth-it I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity. Darynda Jones vader desks capacity You totally need to watch the news." "Can't." "Why?" "It's too depressing." "Right, because hanging with dead people isn't. Darynda Jones depressing watches people I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. - T-SHIRT Darynda Jones t-shirt naps want I know karate, and like two other Japanese words - T-SHIRT Darynda Jones karate t-shirt two Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting down?" "Yes." "Two, are you mentally stable?" "More than you'll ever be." Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me. Darynda Jones sitting-down doe two In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you? Darynda Jones moments brain looks There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And spiders. ~Bumper sticker~ Darynda Jones irrational-fear spiders no-fear I love language, words, and all the lovely, exciting, and heart wrenching things you can do with them. Pick the right ones, put them in the right order, and you’ve created a moment in time where the reader forgets about the late car payment, the dirty dishes, the impending workweek. You have created a state of bliss. Or negligence, depending on your perspective. Darynda Jones language-words heart dirty I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.” “I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet your stepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul? Darynda Jones home men thinking
