Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure. Sloane Crosley More Quotes by Sloane Crosley More Quotes From Sloane Crosley I find that anything culturally significant that happened before '93 I associate with the decade before it. In fact, Oregon Trail is one of a handful of signposts that middle school existed at all. Sloane Crosley oregon facts school I wanted to be an archaeologist. But in school you have to take a tremendous amount of statistics for that, and I am not good at statistics. So I hit a real wall with archaeology. It's probably like wanting to be an architect - you think it's all fun and games, and then you have to get out a calculator and you're done. Sloane Crosley wall real fun The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not preparing their children. When I was five, my mother and sister sat me up on the kitchen counter and explained the facts of life: the Easter Bunny didn't exist, Elijah was God's invisible friend, with any luck Nana would die soon, and if I ever saw a unicorn, I should kill it or catch it for cash. I turned out okay. Sloane Crosley easter mother children You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. Sloane Crosley break-up way thinking We all deserve to be congratulated, but sadly that would mean there's no one left to do the congratulating. Sloane Crosley left deserve mean But now my problems had been set loose. They could be anywhere at any time and I was just like everyone else I knew: almost positive that there was something profoundly and undiagnosably wrong with me. Sloane Crosley problem I thought we had reached an understanding, the institution of marriage and I. Weddings are like the triathalon of female friendship: the Shower, the Bachelorette Party, and the Main Event. It's the Iron Woman and most people never make it through. They fall of their bikes and choke on ocean water. Sloane Crosley party ocean fall Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why. Sloane Crosley country kids ideas Most people don't get lucky. They get human. They get crushes. This means you irrationally mortgage what little logic you own to pay for this one thing. This relationship is an impulse buy, and you'll figure out if it's worth it later. Sloane Crosley crush break-up mean As we grow up, it feels like you should either invite people into your life or not. There should be fewer and fewer instances of friends you ‘can only take in small doses.’ Sloane Crosley growing-up like-you people I spent a lot of time waiting for things to happen to me, which is more or less as pathetic as it sounds. Sloane Crosley waiting sound happens A lot of people are lonely. A lot of people are lonely even when they're surrounded by other people. Sloane Crosley lonely people It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension. Sloane Crosley logic remarkable We are only as good as our most extreme experiences Sloane Crosley extremes As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge. Sloane Crosley doctors definitions art You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself. I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture. Sloane Crosley smell effort thinking Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed. Sloane Crosley girl new-york golf The Darkness at Irving. Hope to have as much fun doing anything ever as these guys have on stage. Sloane Crosley guy darkness fun The truth is, I wrote a novel when I was 23. It's hideously bad. Truly rotten. Sloane Crosley rotten truth-is novel I prefer to record all traumas and save them for later, playing them over and over so they can haunt me for a disproportionate number of weeks to come. It's very healthy. Sloane Crosley records healthy numbers
