...as for helping me in the outside world, the Convent taught me only that if you spit on a pencil eraser, it will erase ink. Dorothy Parker More Quotes by Dorothy Parker More Quotes From Dorothy Parker You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do. Dorothy Parker deedsshouldcan-do But I don't give up; I forget why not. Dorothy Parker why-notdont-give-upgiving-up I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more. Dorothy Parker nailsnamesfame I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you. Dorothy Parker haterelationshipgiving Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat. Dorothy Parker kick-asswritingart I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. Dorothy Parker weddingmarriagestupid The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk. Dorothy Parker hangoverdrunkalcohol Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Dorothy Parker envywinedrinking Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. Dorothy Parker inspirationallovelife [On being shown an apartment by a real estate agent:] Oh, dear, that's much too big. All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends. Dorothy Parker few-friendsagentsreal Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation. Dorothy Parker irritationpitywomen That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them. Dorothy Parker hilariousinspirationalfunny It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate. Dorothy Parker icegatheringfun You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Dorothy Parker womenfunnythinking I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours. Dorothy Parker runningbookhands I don't want to be classed as a humorist. It makes me feel guilty. I've never read a good tough quotable female humorist, and I never was one myself. I couldn't do it. A "smartcracker" they called me, and that makes me sick and unhappy. There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words. Dorothy Parker distancesickunhappy I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money. Dorothy Parker adorabletogethertwo The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man. Dorothy Parker womenearthmen Writing well is the best revenge. Dorothy Parker wellsrevengewriting It was written without fear and without research. Dorothy Parker entertainmentresearchart
