Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink. Tim Allen More Quotes by Tim Allen More Quotes From Tim Allen Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first. Tim Allen nutstryinghands When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine - this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward. Tim Allen jailrunningreality I think there's a percentage [of the audience] that don't realize, that don't know that [standup] is how everything began. We planned it, we work hard, rehearsals to get this. It's more of a ... it's not just coming in there in a T-shirt and holding a microphone. Tim Allen rehearsalhard-workthinking Speeding is like drugs. It makes everything come at you fast, and when you go back to normal driving, safe driving, prudent driving, it seems boring. That's the danger of drugs. At first it's intoxicating, but then the rest of your life you're trying to find that very first time. It never is the same. Tim Allen drugsafetrying I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver. Tim Allen qualitysoundwant Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. Tim Allen sizecomedyuse A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really. Tim Allen dadmemoriestwo Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time. Tim Allen babyfunnychildren The world is your oyster when you are successful. That was when I was getting scripts. I was planning for this. I like this business. Parts of it I love, and I didn't want it to just end. The further you get away from your success, the less your phone rings. The next thing you know, it's 20 years later and you're in a mall going, "Remember when Al and I used to do something like this. Tim Allen oystersphonessuccessful I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car. Tim Allen ferraricarthinking Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio Tim Allen noelchristmas I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing. Tim Allen my-familygood-thingssuccess My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation. Tim Allen foundationdadearthquakes I am a thespian trapped in a man's body. Tim Allen thespiansbodymen Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them. Tim Allen humanityanimal I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, "Dad's an idiot," which lasted a little longer than I'd like. Tim Allen dadgirlparent Both Tom and I, who met yesterday for our little guys lunch, we were both very, very affected by the end of the movie, so much so that he had turn around. He couldnt even deliver his end of it, [and] I couldnt deliver my end of it. Tim Allen entertainment I visualize to the audience and I tell them ahead of time, I’m going to be saying these and I know they’re offensive to you – let’s decide why they’re offensive and who’s making that decision, i have a whole bit about PC correct and what it is. He added: I understand where we are, and we’ve made some adjustments and I said I like pushing stuff and making everybody laugh on stage, but you take stuff I said out of context? We were laughing about this and it’s not even funny. Tim Allen entertainment I’m excited because we have so much left in our tank, there were a lot of stories we hadn’t gotten to. Tim Allen latest-headlines [ The show ] drew 8.5 million viewers every Friday night with very little promotion. We always wondered how it would do if it was given a better opportunity and prioritized more in terms of a network’s marketing agenda. Tim Allen entertainment
