Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. Ambrose Bierce More Quotes by Ambrose Bierce More Quotes From Ambrose Bierce TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. Ambrose Bierce scales tariffs greed Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while. Ambrose Bierce planning revenge patience Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. Ambrose Bierce optimism optimistic white LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure. Ambrose Bierce guarding treasure music Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows. Ambrose Bierce thought-provoking sin success A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. Ambrose Bierce self feet men YESTERDAY, n. The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age. Ambrose Bierce age yesterday past Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Ambrose Bierce gratitude thanksgiving religious LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears. Ambrose Bierce legacy tears Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing. Ambrose Bierce fishing sea lakes Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Ambrose Bierce solemnity degrees found Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce absurdity opinion belief UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith. Ambrose Bierce advantage hell faith Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery. Ambrose Bierce adultery cynical cynicism Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. Ambrose Bierce husband power beauty Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. Ambrose Bierce satisfaction giving thinking The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations. Ambrose Bierce powerful war peace Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford. Ambrose Bierce whiskey cows needs Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic. Ambrose Bierce painting weather art DAY, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. This period is divided into two parts, the day proper and the night, or day improper - the former devoted to sins of business, the latter consecrated to the other sort. Ambrose Bierce business night two
