But the Giants are still going to stick with their current quarterback: a scarecrow on a Roomba, no Time to Die.

Michael Che

That's my only goal: Stay off crack. by Michael Che

That's my only goal: Stay off crack.

One of the hardest things in the world to say is "President Trump," and not out of disrespect - just because people have known him just as Donald Trump for so long. It would be like if people said, "He's a doctor now, call him Doctor Trump."

disrespect long people

I feel like it's a lot easier to parody Democrats just because they take themselves so seriously. I think Republicans have a little bit more of an open mind as to how ridiculous they are. Democrats pride themselves in being the highbrow, smart, right choice.

smart pride thinking

Donald Trump is making decisions that affect people's day-to-day life, and he's constantly, constantly making some crazy announcement. It's like, "Well, what are we supposed to talk about? The D train? Traffic?" Trump is the one guy that's like, "Yeah, I'll do 90 minutes of live comedy. Seems easy enough."

guy crazy decision

I would say Colin Jost is Kanye West because he takes like the creative risk a lot of times, whereas I'm like, "Uh, I don't know..."

What joke can I say about Donald Trump that he hasn't said about himself? When he gets dressed, he comes out as Donald Trump. We've made fun of his hair for 30 years. It's still the same if not worse. There's nothing we could really say about him.

Maybe I'm naive, but I still have a little bit of faith in the structure of the United States government and thinking that one man can't ruin everything. I don't know if it's just because I'm hopeful or cynical, but I just don't think one man can change everything. It's just like I didn't think Obama could save the country by himself. I don't think Trump can ruin the country all by himself. I don't know. I hope I'm right.

men country thinking

It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front o... by Michael Che

It's a hard, lonely feeling, to be completely yourself in front of strangers.

stranger lonely feelings

I believe in equality. But I don't like the word feminist, because it's such a rational belief to think that women are equal to men, and I'm a rational person. You shouldn't be labeled for being reasonable. You should be labeled if you're f-cking crazy.

crazy men believe

People used to say, "Oh, I like SNL show, it's funny." And this 2017 season, people were saying, "Oh, I love the show, I needed it, thank you." It started towards the end of last year, when the Primary started to heat up. I remember in the summertime people were excited for it, talking about SNL in July and August.

summertime remember people

Of course there's a backlash. Of course. Look, half the country voted for Donald Trump. But I think one of the things that we try to do on Update is we try to hit him on the facts. If Hillary Clinton was President we would be making fun of her just as much. We're not trying to be right, we're not trying to be wrong, we're trying to be funny.

fun country thinking

I would love to be able to play anywhere, but to me the sweet spot is clubs and theaters, just because I feel like you lean in to tell a joke. You don't back up. Comedy lives in that area. I've played amphitheaters, big clubs, and pool halls, and the most fun rooms hold anywhere from 500 to 2,000 people. That intimacy is where comedy really lives.

That's one of the things about comedy that annoys me the most from a comedian perspective. Comedy has gotten so segregated. Now it's like if you don't agree with somebody, you probably aren't going to like their jokes. I think comedians are starting to write for their audience and not towards the country.

writing country thinking

I grew up in the projects with four older brothers. And there were tough, macho gangsters, drug dealers, killers, and thugs all in my neighborhood. And they were afraid of my mother. So, yeah, I know some strong women.

strong-women brother mother

I don't like to travel. I go out. When you do stand up, you travel a lot. Just working out. I don't really enjoy it. I like New York. There's nothing really like New York. Everything just becomes a worse version of New York.

enjoy work-out new-york

There's tons of stuff where you're like, "God, I wish I could tak... by Michael Che

There's tons of stuff where you're like, "God, I wish I could take that back."

You can go anywhere in New York. There's always something to do in New York. There's always a place to eat no matter what time it is. There's always a place to work, a place to drink. It's conducive to my lifestyle. I don't know how to drive a car, so I like to be able to walk places.

car new-york matter

No matter how you feel, you've got to be able to laugh at yourself. If you can laugh at Donald Trump, then you better be able to laugh at yourself, too. For us as comedians, we have to point out what's funny.

laugh-at-yourself comedian laughing

Donald Trump is Donald Trump! He doesn't apologize for who he is. We know he's tacky. We know he's orange. We know he's got a bad haircut.

haircuts apologizing

I've learned a lot just being around people who grew up so differently from me, which is cool. It teaches you how to be a lot more tolerant. The bigger your world is, the more tolerant and accepting you become, because you have friends from all walks of life. You learn to be a little bit less selfish.

selfish littles people