Can't punch women in the face! Jim Jefferies More Quotes by Jim Jefferies More Quotes From Jim Jefferies The thing about crazy people; they don't know they are crazy, that's what make them crazy. Jim Jefferies crazy-peoplecrazypeople Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously? Jim Jefferies funnychildrenthinking I'm not scared of dying, because I'm an atheist. I won't even know I'm dead. You know why? Because I'll be fùckin' dead. Jim Jefferies scareddyingatheist Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa. Jim Jefferies christianbelievekids Here's the thing about people who believe in god... They're idiots. Jim Jefferies believepeoplereligion In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide. Jim Jefferies comedianbookpeople If you hate gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. Jim Jefferies gayhatereligion I always get a little bit pissed off when stand-up comedy is not recognised as being as good a craft as being an actor. We give Oscars to people and it's like, 'Aw, this person is the greatest person on earth', but being an actor is pretty easy in comparison to stand-up comedy. It's no surprise that several stand-up comics have gone on to become great actors. I don't know any great actors that have gone on to become great stand-up comics. Jim Jefferies gonegivingpeople We have a drinking game in Australia, it's called drinking. Jim Jefferies australiadrinkinggames There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it. Jim Jefferies abusecomediantwo I want to make people think, and I don't want to come across like I am egotistical or that I want to change people's thoughts. I don't believe that as a comic I can convert anyone's opinion. I think I can maybe make someone look in one direction or the other but I can't make a religious person stop believing in God. Jim Jefferies religiousbelievethinking Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises. Jim Jefferies smartdrinkingkids God built the world, but he did not know it was round. Jim Jefferies builtworldreligion I've never been the type of guy that had a lot of friends or was part of the cool group. Jim Jefferies lots-of-friendsgroupsguy I can't imagine being a woman in the world of acting, like where you age starts to weigh you down - you go from being attractive to where they [directors] decided you're out... I feel like with stand-up comedy, it doesn't matter if I've gotten fatter. Jim Jefferies actingagedirectors There's a lot of guys up there who like wearing a suit or try doing jokes that they think will play to a certain crowd, or maybe get them corporate work. I've always written jokes that I would want to hear. So, I'm trying to entertain myself more than anything. Jim Jefferies guyplaythinking I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment, and have a sweet song playing over the background when it happens. Jim Jefferies songsweetcharacter I think only things that are personal to us offend us. It's always bizarre when people who would normally laugh at an AIDS joke won't laugh at a cancer joke, but far more people know somebody who's died from cancer. Jim Jefferies cancerlaughingthinking No matter how successful I got, my mother still thinks I'm a bad person, basically. Jim Jefferies successfulmotherthinking I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God. Jim Jefferies satimaginarythinking
