Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance will ever assume I know how to surf the net.' Greg Proops More Quotes by Greg Proops More Quotes From Greg Proops If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing. Greg Proops mass-destruction iraq growth Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love. Greg Proops falling-in-love believe people If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you can go to Canada any day of the year. It's an entire country named Doug. Greg Proops white country years Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it? Greg Proops reading talking sex I like to go to England, and I'll tell you why. I like to go to a country where I am considered the best-looking person. It's as simple as that. Hollywood, kind of a crushing ego blow - 'Hey Buddy Holly, you are so old, have you not perished in a plane crash?' But not in England, good God, not there. In England, God bless that dinky island, there it's, 'Good God, look at him. He has all his teeth and his ears are in proportion to his head.' I'm Brad bloody Pitt on that island. Greg Proops crush blow country White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream. Greg Proops ice-cream white two No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural. Greg Proops natural Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency. Greg Proops irony honesty country If you do not find me funny, that is your problem and I am not going away. Greg Proops find-me going-away problem I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area. Greg Proops glasses kings years It doesn't matter how much of an asshole you are, there was always someone who thought you were cool. Greg Proops matter I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack. Greg Proops stealing genius thinking We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won. Greg Proops guy faces blue You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles. Greg Proops ironic breathe facts I think comedy should be left up to the professionals, that way everyone's safety is protected. Greg Proops safety way thinking People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around. Greg Proops believe people looks I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want. Greg Proops splits want animal I love the nightlife. I like to boogie. Greg Proops boogie nightlife You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance! Greg Proops white people years I'm old and my knowledge is strictly horizontal. Greg Proops horizontal knowledge
