Dictum on television scripts: We don't want it good - we want it Tuesday. Denis Norden More Quotes by Denis Norden More Quotes From Denis Norden It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May. Denis Norden wife fans baseball There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car. Denis Norden unseen car bird If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from? Denis Norden player men world It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered. Denis Norden holiday memories children What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions? Denis Norden pretension harps cheese Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater. Denis Norden sweaters holiday age And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out. Denis Norden scary may thinking You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D. Denis Norden together two people A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten. Denis Norden ten tenors I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny. Denis Norden challenges writing people The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up. Denis Norden comedian use song I defy anyone to get a decision that quickly these days. Denis Norden these-days decision If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it. Denis Norden malicious laughter shows Then after that came word processors and it's hard to make those laugh. Denis Norden processors hard laughing You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable to do in bed is r-e-a-d. Denis Norden something know you bed If it ain't baroque, don't fax it. Denis Norden fax baroque Almost all comedy is of its time. You can't expect audiences now to laugh at what amused people 60 years ago. Denis Norden laugh you time people Frank liked administrative work and was good at it. Denis Norden good administrative frank work Everyone who appears in a scene gets paid. Denis Norden everyone who paid scene And if you can offer an explanation as to why it doesn't work then you've got to the whole root of comedy. Denis Norden why you comedy work
