Do you know what 'meteorologist' means in English? It means liar. Lewis Black More Quotes by Lewis Black More Quotes From Lewis Black I continue to work on plays, but I've always felt that you could put a note in a bottle and send it offshore, and you'd have as much chance communicating with people. Lewis Black bottlesplaypeople I don't buy the 'at 60 it's great to have kids' thing. I don't buy the line that has been thrown down - 'You can have a kid at any time.' That doesn't mean you should. Lewis Black linesmeankids When from behind me, a young woman of 25 uttered the following, it was the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life until Dan Quayle was elected Vice President of the United States. She said, if it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college. Lewis Black horsecollegeyears When I'm funny is when I'm angriest. Lewis Black I like my friends because they make me feel normal, even though I'm not. Lewis Black my-friendsnormalfeels I love anything that gets me outside of my own head. Lewis Black my-own Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker. Lewis Black purplegreendesign I'm not a big birthday guy; I never have been. Lewis Black has-beensbigsguy Everybody's family has different values. Lewis Black different-valuesvaluesdifferent I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic. Lewis Black folkspanicthinking I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke. Lewis Black strokes It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff. Lewis Black politicalstuffpay I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. Lewis Black mergersinsanestuff One thing I know about the rich, being rich, is that you can take money from me and tomorrow, I'm still going to be rich. Lewis Black richstillstomorrow Parenting isn't just parenting your own child. Lewis Black children Self-love is a big part of golf. Lewis Black selfgolflove-is Stupidity really gets me going, when it's just plain stupid, obvious stupidity. Lewis Black obviousstupiditystupid I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. Lewis Black comicjokesodd I've seen the end of the universe, and it happens to be in the United States and, oddly enough, it's in Houston, Texas. I know - I was shocked, too. Imagine my surprise when I left a comedy club one day and walked to the end of the block, and there on one corner was a Starbucks, and across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks, there was - a Starbucks. I looked back and forth, thinking the sun was playing tricks with my eyes. That there was a Starbucks across from a Starbucks - and that, my friends, is the end of the universe. Lewis Black blockeyethinking It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.' Lewis Black nightlongthinking
