During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha! David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il. David Letterman kim brother You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella. First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon? David Letterman tomatoes would-be firsts I went through one period when I smoked a surprising, a really breath-taking, amount of grass almost every night. David Letterman weed grass night Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical. David Letterman gay military war I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me. David Letterman bob mean years I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been. David Letterman smartass has-beens I got my lips chewed off by a dingo! David Letterman dingoes lips If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been sceptical on this point — if you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now: New York City is the greatest city in the world. David Letterman cities-in-the-world new-york believe While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut. David Letterman bypass gone heart Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie. David Letterman presidential pie race Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They're going to hike to the top of his money. David Letterman weekend bigs two Hey, guess who's gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head. David Letterman down-and gay book I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three ... Oh crap, what was three? David Letterman skills worry two Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the '90s when he starred on 'Baywatch.' David Letterman weekend surfing body If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can. David Letterman serious ifs feelings Presidential candidate Howard Dean is now being attacked for dodging the draft. I never knew this about the guy - but now I know this guy is presidential material. David Letterman dean presidential guy Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I have been praying for every since I came to CBS. Bin Laden is planning a televised suicide or, as I call it, hosting the Academy Awards. David Letterman awards suicide television Over in Afghanistan, Osama stuck his head out of the cave and saw a shadow. So, that means six more weeks of bombing. David Letterman shadow caves mean Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker. David Letterman drunk doe water Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull. David Letterman bulls cutting littles
