Everybody I meet in public seems to want to audition for me. If I ask a guy what time it is, he'll sing it to me. Johnny Carson More Quotes by Johnny Carson More Quotes From Johnny Carson I can't go anywhere without being bugged by somebody. I'd love to just hike out down the street, or drop in a restaurant, or wander in the park, or take my kids somewhere without collecting a trail of people. But I can't. Johnny Carson parks kids people The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered. Johnny Carson anthem singing cat I'm an entertainer, not a commentator. If you're a comedian your job is to make people laugh. Johnny Carson jobs laughing people I'm not one of those who spring up yelling, "Yippee! Another day!" I'll grumble and sulk around a couple of hours, reading newspapers and trying to pick out an idea I might do something with on the show. But I don't really start functioning until noon or later; then about two I go to the studio and the pace begins to quicken. Johnny Carson couple reading spring Talking about sexual morality, I wouldn't agree that it's declining, but it's certainly changing. Young and old, we are very much in the process of taking a fresh look at the whole issue of morality. The only decline that's taking place - and it's about time - is in the old puritanical concept that sex is equated with sin. Johnny Carson issues talking sex There are very few Japanese Jews. As a result, there is no Japanese word for Alan King. Johnny Carson jew results kings Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn't seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods. Johnny Carson dancer president rose There's a lot of hypocrisy in audiences. I'd never dream of telling even on a nightclub stage, let alone my show, some of the jokes that are told in a lot of the living rooms from which we get those letters! Johnny Carson hypocrisy dream letters I think students ought to have the right to protest, but not to the point of anarchy. Johnny Carson anarchy students thinking If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. Johnny Carson work-you-love doing-what-you-love careers There's a big difference between being a loner and being lonely. I'm far from lonely. My day is full of things I enjoy, starting with my show. Any time my work is going well and I have a relationship with a woman that's pretty solid, that does it for me. Johnny Carson loner differences lonely The good news is that the president gets another chance. The bad news is that he'll be two weeks older. Johnny Carson another-chance president two As long as I don't commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you're welcome to think whatever you want about me. Johnny Carson judging long thinking I don't think it's you that changes with success - it's the people around you who change. Because of your new status, they change in relation to you. Johnny Carson relation people thinking Only lie about the future. Johnny Carson lying I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give. Johnny Carson best-performance performances giving Find me any performer anywhere who isn't egocentric. You'd better believe you're good, or you've got no business being out there. Johnny Carson egocentric find-me believe I'm an entertainer; I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony. Johnny Carson hypocrite giving boys Democracy means free television, not good television, but free. Johnny Carson democracy mean television We're more effective than birth control pills. Johnny Carson pills comedy birth-control
