Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. Dane Cook More Quotes by Dane Cook More Quotes From Dane Cook Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are. Dane Cook motivation hard-work people Saw a lost dog sign with a pic of the dog and a little boy hugging it. I'm assuming the kids safe and we're just focusing on the pooch. Dane Cook dog boys kids Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions. Dane Cook dating guy numbers When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change. Dane Cook change thinking If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping. Dane Cook escaping drunk thinking You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker. Dane Cook tempted littles giving You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them. Dane Cook soil instinct water My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf. Dane Cook mecca girl fighting If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma. Dane Cook karma truth lying True love is when you're cheating on a person but the thought of them still makes your eyes smile! Dane Cook eye love-is cheating I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers. Dane Cook deep-thinker shallow thinker If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is. Dane Cook ugly revealing negative When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that. Dane Cook girl names hot In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak. Dane Cook home years school Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince. Dane Cook genuine-person comedy guy When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer. Dane Cook comedy sometimes directors Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show. Dane Cook appreciate winning giving I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it more in the moment. I like to have information about where I'm going, what might be happening in that particular region as well. I like for people to feel like the show is for them. Dane Cook trying might people I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance. Dane Cook reading home drama When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?' Dane Cook tough-questions buttons missing
