Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. Dane Cook More Quotes by Dane Cook More Quotes From Dane Cook You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh. Dane Cook crowds attention laughing We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits. Dane Cook cry painful lying I get so into the moment. Dane Cook moments That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it. Dane Cook mother stories years I'm a late-night guy. Dane Cook late-night guy night I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges. Dane Cook challenges want ideas Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you. Dane Cook girl beautiful war When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me. Dane Cook stars father thinking I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets. Dane Cook airplane knows littles I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning. Dane Cook today rooms thinking I would still have old ladies come up to me after the show and pat me on the cheek after I had said all this vulgar stuff. They would be like, 'Oh you're a silly boy - we know you're just playing. Dane Cook would-be silly boys This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO. Dane Cook hbo careers dream Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips. Dane Cook bucks teeth past I won't take no for a question. Dane Cook I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering. Dane Cook entering eggs talking There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair. Dane Cook guy names yellow I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more. Dane Cook staying i-can health In the year 3000, everything will be instant. Dane Cook instant years People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job. Dane Cook love-of-my-life jobs people There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes. Dane Cook friends groups likes
