Facebook revamped its search feature. Now you can search for any post that has ever appeared on your page. It's helpful if you want to waste time this year remembering exactly how you wasted time last year. Conan O'Brien More Quotes by Conan O'Brien More Quotes From Conan O'Brien Prince William's pregnant wife, Kate Middleton, is past her due date. Doctors may have to induce labor. To speed up the birth, doctors have been telling the baby, 'Come on out. You will never have to work a day in your life.' Conan O'Brien doctorsbabypast The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he's also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it. Conan O'Brien obamacaremalesfemale A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate. Conan O'Brien countryhandspeople No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' . Conan O'Brien witcharmpersonality Tax day was yesterday. And marijuana growers are complaining that they can't write off a single expense thanks to federal laws. Well, apparently someone tried to claim the Phish tour as his home office and that's not going to happen. Conan O'Brien marijuanahomewriting I dont need a pardon. I need a job. Conan O'Brien pardonjobsneeds If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice. Conan O'Brien encouraginglifefunny Election officials say that in 2016, it may be possible to vote for the president on your smartphone. Can you imagine that? With one swipe you can choose a president and at the same time tell him or her where you want to hook up. Conan O'Brien smartphoneshookpresident Possible controversy for the Obama campaign. Republicans are now accusing Barack Obama's campaign of voter fraud, because some of the people they've registered sound like they have fake names. Apparently, the fakest-sounding name is Barack Obama. Conan O'Brien fakenamespeople A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' Conan O'Brien womeninspirationalfunny In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath. Conan O'Brien virginiablowmen Oprah Winfrey just announced that she's planning to attend Barack Obama's inauguration. Oprah says she's very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world. Conan O'Brien planningpowerfulworld It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected to be the first time Barack uses his veto power. Conan O'Brien motherwhitemoving Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. Conan O'Brien rock-and-rollrocksyears North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un reportedly has had 15 of his top officials executed. So the lesson here is when Kim Jong Un comes to work with a new haircut, you tell him, 'Looking good, Un.' Conan O'Brien koreankimlessons Today was the annual Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. Usually when you see something rolling on the White House lawn it's a drunk Secret Service agent. Conan O'Brien eggseasterwhite Indiana's governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is not anti-gay. Then immediately afterwards he said, 'April Fools.' It wasn't his best joke. Conan O'Brien gayfirelaw The campaign to put a woman on the $20 bill has narrowed the choices down to four finalists. The four finalists are Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Flo from the Progressive Insurance ads. Conan O'Brien fourcampaignschoices In a recent interview, Michelle Obama said that the Secret Service taught Malia how to drive. In exchange, Malia taught the Secret Service how to throw a party when her parents are away. Conan O'Brien partyparentsecret Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year, and it's Ed Begley Jr. Conan O'Brien magazinespresidentyears
