Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. Tom Lehrer More Quotes by Tom Lehrer More Quotes From Tom Lehrer I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. Tom Lehrer workinspirationalfunny If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while. Tom Lehrer hearingnastysong I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity. Tom Lehrer bypassmaturitytrying The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people. Tom Lehrer writtenreasonpeople If you visit American city, You will find it very pretty. Just two things of which you must beware: Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air. Pollution, pollution, They got smog and sewage and mud. Turn on your tap and get hot and cold running crud. See the halibuts and the sturgeons Being wiped out by detergents. Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, But they don't last long if they try. Pollution, pollution, You can use the latest toothpaste, And then rinse your mouth with industrial waste. Tom Lehrer citiesrunningtwo The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be. Tom Lehrer satirefactsthinking Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews. Tom Lehrer catholichatereligion I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted. Tom Lehrer heardbelievehands Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you. Tom Lehrer sarcasticcutefunny I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. Tom Lehrer dearlipsache Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. Tom Lehrer angelhumorousheard The Lord's our shepherd, says the psalm. But just in case, we better get a bomb. Tom Lehrer shepherdsbombspolitics The Army has carried the American... ideal to its logical conclusion... Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability. Tom Lehrer armymilitaryfunny On Christmas day you can't get sore, your fellow man you must adore. There's time to cheat him all the more the other three hundred and sixty-four Tom Lehrer threechristmasmen Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price. Tom Lehrer moralnicemanners You cant be satirical and not be offensive to somebody. Tom Lehrer satiricalcantoffensive I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one Tom Lehrer shut-uppeoplethinking If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here Tom Lehrer squarestwocommitment Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, Is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love: husbands and wives who can't communicate, Children who can't communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on, And in real life, I might add, spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate. I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very least he can do is to shut up! Tom Lehrer husbandrealchildren Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh. Tom Lehrer involuntarylaughterlaughing
