Focusing on the unmet need (not the judgment) is more likely to get the need met. Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg More Quotes From Marshall B. Rosenberg The Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti once remarked that observing without evaluating is the highest form of human intelligence. When I first read this statement, the thought, 'What nonsense!' shot through my mind before I realized that I had just made an evaluation. Marshall B. Rosenberg evaluationmindfirsts The Chinese philosopher Chuang-Tzu stated that true empathy requires listening with the whole being: The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathyunderstandinglistening Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationpainthinking To practice NVC, it's critical for me to be able to slow down, take my time, to come from an energy I choose, the one I believe that we were meant to come from, not the one I was programmed into. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationpracticebelieve We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel. Marshall B. Rosenberg emotionalresponsibilitythinking NVC suggests behind every action, however ineffective, tragic, violent, or abhorrent to us, is an attempt to meet a need. Marshall B. Rosenberg abhorrentcommunicationneeds It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources. Marshall B. Rosenberg harderempathyresources Empathize, rather than put your "but" in the face of an angry person. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationpersonsfaces Avoid 'shoulding' on others and yourself! Marshall B. Rosenberg nonviolent-communicationcommunication Empathy before education. Marshall B. Rosenberg nonviolent-communicationempathycommunication The kind of spirituality I value is one in which you get great joy out of contributing to life, not just sitting and meditating, although meditation is certainly valuable. But from meditation, from the resulting consciousness, I would like to see people in action creating the world they want to live in. Marshall B. Rosenberg creatingchangespiritual When we express our needs indirectly through the use of evaluations, interpretations, and images, others are likely to hear criticism. When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. It's important that when we address somebody that we're clear what we want back. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationselfpeople I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. (Marshall puts on giraffe ears) With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please". Marshall B. Rosenberg suicidalcommunicationtechnology Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence. Marshall B. Rosenberg empathyrejectionsilence When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to. Marshall B. Rosenberg forget-everythingpaingiving The most dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things 'because we're supposed to. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationbehaviormay We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationwantneeds Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs. Marshall B. Rosenberg differencescommunicationneeds When our communication supports compassionate giving and receiving, happiness replaces violence and grieving. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationgrievinghappiness Whether I praise or criticize someone's action, I imply that I am their judge, that I'm engaged in rating them or what they have done. Marshall B. Rosenberg communicationdonejudging
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