Here's the craziest part of this story to me. A sitting congressman is being accused of child trafficking and the QAnon people are suddenly like ‘nah, I need more evidence,’ that was your whole thing! I mean come on, think about it. Matt Gaetz’s girlfriend, she was allegedly 17, the 17th letter is Q, it all adds up! What are you waiting for? The storm is finally here and QAnon is like ‘you can’t believe everything you read on the internet.’.

Colin Jost

Pakistani teenager Malala Yousafzai, who is 17, has become the youngest person ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize. So a Pakistani teenager literally can change the world, while American teenagers literally can't even.

teenager winning world

There are some people who are way too sensitive about things. If you're not using the vocabulary that's new that they've helped define, then you're not on their team, even though you want to be. And at the same time, the fact that our president Donald Trump said on record, "You could just grab women by the pussy," and a lot of people in America were like, "Yeah, it's fine, that's something that's said..." There are people that are not sensitive or aware enough about other people and what that means.

team mean people

Donald Trump had a hit TV show on NBC for 14 years! He was covered by every major newspaper for 30 years. The idea that any one person humanized... He's been the most human figure for decades. The reason he won is because he knows how to use the media and he's a great communicator, whether you agree with the message or not.

Comedy is frightening at first because you're opening yourself up. When it's just you and people hate it, you're like, "Oh God. Do they hate me?"

hate people firsts

My mom was the breadwinner in my family. I always thought, That's how it is. I never thought that was the exception.

breadwinner my-family mom

On the road, when I do stand-up, people would always say, "What do you think about Donald Trump?" If you said, "He's crazy," they'd be like, "Yeah, he's crazy." But if you said, "I don't know - he seems interesting," they would be like, "That's really what I think."

crazy people thinking

It is an honor to be here sharing this night with the many, many talented people in Hollywood who haven’t been caught yet, my mother is not watching.

latest-headlines

We're proud to be the first duo hosting The Emmys since Jenna Elfman and David Hyde Pierce, and somehow The Emmys's The Emmys.

I've played at the Comedy Studio. I never did as an undergrad, but I have in recent years, whenever I've gone back to anything at Harvard, I've tried to go there and do some sets.

never back go comedy

Initially, I think I was eager to get off Staten Island and go away for school, that kind of thing. Then what you do maybe 10 years after that, you start maybe appreciating all the great things about the place you grew up. You can go back and enjoy it because you don't have that angst or sense of struggle to get away anymore.

great you struggle school

I never thought about 'being' in comedy when I grew up, because I didn't know it was a real job. But looking back, it's the only thing I ever really cared about.

looking job looking-back comedy

When I was 10, I went to the Junior Olympics for the 50-meter and... by Colin Jost

When I was 10, I went to the Junior Olympics for the 50-meter and 100-meter breaststroke.

junior olympics

I love buffalo wings and eat them at least three times a week. by Colin Jost

I love buffalo wings and eat them at least three times a week.

eat three wings love

It's not an easy job to think creatively and then also have to th... by Colin Jost

It's not an easy job to think creatively and then also have to think logistically.

then job think easy

When I started at 'SNL,' I was lucky to start early. So now starting on 'Update,' I am the age when most people are when they start doing that. It feels like a different world and capacity, like starting over in another challenge. A heightened challenge.

i-am age people world

I honestly think that Donald Trump's only adviser is his doorman. by Colin Jost

I honestly think that Donald Trump's only adviser is his doorman.

his only think honestly

Learning to be your natural self in front of five cameras and a silent studio takes time. Trying to be funny under duress is probably a lot like trying to play golf relaxed under pressure.

learning self time funny

Almost all the golf courses in Staten Island double as something... by Colin Jost

Almost all the golf courses in Staten Island double as something else.

double island something golf

Before I went to a meeting at the 'Harvard Lampoon,' I had no idea that there was even a comedy magazine at Harvard, let alone that you could write comedy potentially for a living.

meeting alone you comedy

I always tell people, when they ask me what to do to be a writer or to be a performer, the key is to go to a place where there are a lot of other people who are trying to do the same thing as you and taking it very seriously.

place me you people