Here's what happens when you die--you sit in a box and get eaten by worms. I guarantee you that when you die, nothing cool happens.

Howard Stern

Categorized in : Guarantees Boxes Worms

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists. by Howard Stern

I will never vote Democrat again, they are Communists.

communist democrat vote

Talent is what drives this world ... Doesn’t matter how many satellites you f---ing stick in the air.

matter air world

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getti... by Howard Stern

I think I could create a cult, no problem. The hard part is getting people to kill themselves.

problem people thinking

I've always been about honesty, whether on the radio, whether I did a movie, whether I wrote a book. As long as you're honest, you don't lose your edge.

honesty long book

I don't think any religion makes any sense and I think people who are into that are really getting duped, and I don't think Judaism makes any more sense than Christianity, and I don't think Christianity makes any more sense than Scientology. But here's a guy, L. Ron Hubbard, who told all his friends, 'Look, I'm gonna start a religion, 'cause I can't make any money as a science fiction writer.' I mean, he admitted that publicly! At least with Jesus Christ, you can't go talk to the guy.

mean jesus thinking

We all get one life to live here. It's 2012, and for gay and lesbian couples who are in love, not to be able to be married is so absurd.

able gay couple

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly. by Howard Stern

It's okay for a man to commit adultery if his wife is ugly.

ugly wife men

Why be uptight about bowel movements and sex? We all have sex. We all have penises -- except for those of us who have vaginas.

uptight movement sex

I am circumcised, and I tell you something, I despise it. I despise it. I despise it... I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

pissed-off despise atheist

I'm for legalizing marijuana. Why pick on those drugs? Valium is legal. You just go to a doctor and get it and overdose on it - what's the difference? Prozac, all that stuff, so why not marijuana? Who cares? It's something that grows out of the ground - why not? Go smoke a head of cabbage. I don't care what you smoke.

marijuana doctors differences

I'm not a good listener some times. I'm too much of a control freak. I'm learning to be better. I was so caught up in just getting the job done that I would miss out on the human aspect of this. There was a connection missing.

missing work jobs

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised. by Howard Stern

I am completely pissed off that I'm circumcised.

pissed-off

You have to make a decision, what you want to do in life, ... Your deal can be, you can leave tomorrow. Soon as you leave, you will be forgotten.

tomorrow decision want

I've actually apologized to some people I was a real jerk to, because I feel ashamed. I didn't need to be that hungry. There was something going on inside me when I was angry and feeling very threatened and not feeling good about myself.

feel-good real people

This country (United States) has too many freedoms. by Howard Stern

This country (United States) has too many freedoms.

united-states freedom country

Don't let the government win. by Howard Stern

Don't let the government win.

government winning

It causes me great pain to sue the company I work for. Nevertheless, I had to do it. Suffice it to say, there's a dispute and I believe I haven't been given what is mine.

pain causes believe

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian. by Howard Stern

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.

comedian

I don't think there's one thing I've ever said on the radio that would have been found indecent or obscene.

radio found thinking

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is... by Howard Stern

Please, with the God talk. Hate to break it to you, but there is no God.

mad-men atheism hate