Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with. Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: 'Who was raising that question?' Jimmy Fallon cnnyesterdayrunning New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He's going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn't a steak. Jimmy Fallon gaza-stripjerseyisrael In a new interview, Herman Cain said that if Rick Perry were an ice cream flavor, he'd be 'Rocky Road.' I don't know, Perry's not really any flavor of ice cream. He's just the brain freeze part. Jimmy Fallon ice-creamcainbrain Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it. Jimmy Fallon simpleremembertoday Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands. Jimmy Fallon citiessoccerhands According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves. Jimmy Fallon droppingholesnumbers Lincoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, announced he's running for president. Before he announced he's running, his wife went on Facebook and asked his staff if they remembered his password. Because if a Facebook password is too hard to remember, the launch codes for the nukes should be a piece of cake. Jimmy Fallon rhode-islandislandsrunning Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost. Jimmy Fallon fax-machinesclintonpolitical Facebook revealed that Ebola was the most popular Facebook topic in the U.S. this year, with the World Cup coming in sixth. So welcome to America, where even Ebola is more popular than soccer. Jimmy Fallon ebolasocceryears This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, 'Whichever comes first.' Jimmy Fallon presidentialsummerspring Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food. Jimmy Fallon radisheshorseliars When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on the phone Jimmy Fallon nbcnew-yorkjobs L.A., its nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps. Jimmy Fallon nicenew-yorksleep Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until you realize there's been over thirty hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo. Jimmy Fallon longhistoryreality A group called the Texas Tea Party Patriots is hosting a debate next month where Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain will go head to head, while people watching that will go head to pillow. Jimmy Fallon texaspartypeople Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there's a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there's a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, 'Wait, that's today?' Jimmy Fallon cnnnew-yorkwaiting There are reports that leaders from ISIS and al-Qaida met at a farm house in Syria last week, and agreed to work together against their common enemies. That story again: Two radical terrorist groups managed to do what two American political parties cannot. Jimmy Fallon isispartytwo After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the Gulf Coast. They're hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim Kardashian's next photo shoot. Jimmy Fallon runningnext-weekyears Yesterday the Supreme Court lifted the ban on same-sex marriage in Kansas. They didn't give a reason for the ruling, but then again when a state is famous for a Judy Garland musical about a rainbow and a wizard who comes out of a closet, do you really need an excuse? Jimmy Fallon kansasyesterdaysex President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It's a whole new Secret Service security thing. Jimmy Fallon nicewhitedoors
