How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you've actually gone out and dug up on your own?

Johnny Carson

Categorized in : Night Gone News

Entertainment is like any other major industry; it's cold, big business. The business end wants to know one thing: Can you do the job? If you can, you're in, you're made; if you can't, you're out.

entertainment want jobs

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right... by Johnny Carson

I demand my right to a private life, just as I respect that right for everybody else.

demand private-life

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

air people thinking

NBC's a little jealous of CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. They want to get a reporter with a macho-sounding name too, so they're changing Irving R. Levine's name to Scud Shrapnel.

nbc jealous names

It's the lack of this kind of open and honest education about sex that causes so many kids to grow up with sexual hang-ups.

growing-up kids sex

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding... by Johnny Carson

Do you know my dream? I really want to become an aluminum-siding salesman.

aluminum dream want

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom. by Johnny Carson

I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom.

bedroom applause home

I have an ego like anybody else, but I don't need to be stoked by going before the public all the time.

People are hypocrites. If you ask them what they want to see on TV, they'll tell you they want better quality programming. And then what do they watch? 'Gilligan's Island.'

hypocrite islands people

I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what I do - but I'm not one of those who believe that a successful entertainer is made by the public, as is so often said.

grateful successful believe

Your chances of getting hit by lighting go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and say "Storms suck!!

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it... by Johnny Carson

It was so hot today that Burger King was singing, "if you want it your way, cook it yourself".

singing kings funny

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate. by Johnny Carson

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

obesity sarcastic running

We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style. by Johnny Carson

We have two kinds of air: regular and chunky style.

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor a... by Johnny Carson

That would have been a great ticket, Reagan and Ford - an actor and a stuntman.

stuntman tickets actors

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

women successful years

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair. by Johnny Carson

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

broke down-and hair

I can't say I ever wanted to become an entertainer. I already was one, sort of-around the house, at school, doing my magic tricks, throwing my voice and doing Popeye impersonations. People thought I was funny; so I kind of took entertaining for granted It was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

voice people school

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birt... by Johnny Carson

Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

finding-yourself thoughtful issues