I almost feel like I'm unoffendable now. I can roll with whatever. Justin Halpern More Quotes by Justin Halpern More Quotes From Justin Halpern The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two. Justin Halpern liarsnumberstwo The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and just ain't spitting it out. Justin Halpern cancerrelaxbaby I just want silence... Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more. Justin Halpern silencemeanjesus Before I proposed to my now-wife, I was understandably nervous. My father suggested that I take stock of all of my experiences and relationships with women, from my earliest memories to present day, and see if I had learned anything that might inform my decision. Justin Halpern wifememoriesfather No, you can't go getting mad at people because they're shitty. Life will get mad at them, don't worry. Justin Halpern madworrypeople That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them. Justin Halpern sexyleagueson What Im trying to say is that what makes you up, its always been around, and it always will be around. So really the only thing you should worry about is the part you're at right now. Where you got a body and a head and all that bullshit. Just worry about living, dying is the easy part. Justin Halpern bullshitdyingworry The Internet has really democratized ideas. There are no real gatekeepers any more, because if you have a great idea, and you put it online, people will find it and it will get in front of who it needs to get in front of. Justin Halpern realpeopleideas My parents had irrational fears of Mexico and assumed that once you crossed the border, drug runners made you swallow a heroin balloon and then within the hour you were in a bathtub full of ice and they were harvesting your kidneys. Justin Halpern icedrugparent People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear. Justin Halpern always-tryingnicethinking I'm not a guy who curses very much in my personal life. When I curse it sounds like a kid trying to be cool. But I think there are quite a few people, my father being one of them, who use curse words rather eloquently. Justin Halpern fatherkidsthinking On My Last-Place Finish in the 50-Yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “It kinda looked like you were being attacked by a bunch of bees or something. Then when I saw the fat kid with the watch who was timing you start laughing…. Well, I’ll just say it’s never a good sign when a fat kid laughs at you. Justin Halpern leaguelaughingkids On My First Driving Lesson “First things first: A car has five gears. What is that smell?…Okay, first thing before that first thing: Farting in a car that’s not moving makes you an asshole. Justin Halpern smellcarmoving I just wanted to compile these stories about growing up with my father and I wanted people to be able to enjoy them individually, but also the entire book as a whole. Justin Halpern growing-upfatherbook I was an angst-y journal writing kid. Justin Halpern angstwritingkids Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes. Justin Halpern herpessan-diegolos-angeles Writing a book is incredibly pleasurable, but very solitary. You have total control, but sometimes that can drive you insane. Justin Halpern insanewritingbook There is no definitive guidebook on how to pick the right partner, and even if there were, I'm way too dumb to write it. Justin Halpern dumbwritingway The thing with Bill Shatner is he brings something unique to everything he does. He's not the obvious choice for anything, but he always brings something special to it. Justin Halpern choicesuniquespecial I kind of came to the conclusion after I did finally get married that love and relationships are just a series of horrific losses with hopefully one win. Justin Halpern marriedwinningloss
