I can now say without hesitation the Marine Corps was the best foster home I ever had. Art Buchwald More Quotes by Art Buchwald More Quotes From Art Buchwald There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes. Art Buchwald teenageinspirationalchildren This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are. Art Buchwald governmenteasytime We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time. Art Buchwald pastyearsthinking Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. Art Buchwald acceptancetimeinspirational You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. Art Buchwald loverelationshiplife The things that matter most are not things. Art Buchwald deep-thoughthumormatter If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it. Art Buchwald membersenoughlong And Man created the plastic bag and the tin and aluminum can and the cellophane wrapper and the paper plate, and this was good because Man could then take his automobile and buy all his food in one place and He could save that which was good to eat in the refrigerator and throw away that which had no further use. And soon the earth was covered with plastic bags and aluminum cans and paper plates and disposable bottles and there was nowhere to sit down or walk, and Man shook his head and cried: "Look at this Godawful mess. Art Buchwald aluminum-cansnaturemen As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse. Art Buchwald economyget-better I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic. I may not get there, but I'm going first class. Art Buchwald classdirectorslooks Every once in a while your world stands still... There are certain friendships that are so important they leave a mark on you long after the person is gone. Art Buchwald importantfriendshiplong If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments. Art Buchwald rosemaryeightpresident This is what makes me happy: Remembering where I put my house keys. Art Buchwald keyshouseremember People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time. Art Buchwald glasseshousepeople I don't know what's coming next and neither does anyone else. It's something that we do have to face but the thing is that a lot of people don't want to face it. And there's denial. If somebody says it, like me, everybody feels a little better that they can discuss it. Art Buchwald futuredoepeople An economist is a man who knows a hundred ways of making love but doesn't know any women. Art Buchwald making-lovemoneymen I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team. Art Buchwald politicalteamlight Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do? Go back for a masters? Art Buchwald girlmotherbeautiful The best things in life aren't things. Art Buchwald inspirationallovelife Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later. Art Buchwald suicidemindtwo
