I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. Jackie Mason More Quotes by Jackie Mason More Quotes From Jackie Mason Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one? Jackie Mason accountants wanted kids They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me. Jackie Mason player football thinking It's not a query of staying wholesome. It's a query of discovering a illness you want. Jackie Mason queries illness want Honesty is nothin' compared to decency. Jackie Mason decency honesty I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times. Jackie Mason ridiculous different believe The New York Times does an unbelievable amount of damage because every day television and radio stations along with the rest of media take their lead on the way the news should be presented along with what actually is the news. Jackie Mason news media new-york Jews are living in the past and they can't get over it. Jackie Mason over-it jew past Jews are the best dressers in the world. They buy the best clothes, the best homes, the best cars. The best of everything. The only thing is, they get it for less. Jackie Mason clothes car home By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions? Jackie Mason humility faith love The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts. Jackie Mason personality names attention People make fools out of themselves in all sorts of ways. No particular qualifications or particular criteria are necessary. Jackie Mason fool people way There are more Democratic schmucks than there are Republican ones. Jackie Mason schmucks democratic republican I've found that my humor goes over big in London. Jackie Mason london bigs found Older Jews think of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and see themselves as siding with the working class and the poor, so they continue to vote the way they do. Jackie Mason class way thinking All the Democrats do is bicker. They're not concerned about the war or the fate of the United States of America. They're desperate characters. Jackie Mason fate character war I regularly sell out more in England than I do in America. Jackie Mason sells england america Comparing what the Democrats offer to what the Republicans offer is like comparing the money I have in my pocket to what Bill Gates has in his. Jackie Mason republican bills pockets Only the Republican Party cares about the issues that concern me. Jackie Mason issues care party As a class, Jews give three times as much money to charity as anybody else, but they feel guilty about their wealth anyway. They simply can't accept the idea of ever being Republicans. Jackie Mason class giving ideas People come to my shows and know that they're going to hear about what's going on in the world - what's happening at the moment. My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. Jackie Mason tables people world
