I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to. Jackie Mason More Quotes by Jackie Mason More Quotes From Jackie Mason I was so self -conscious, every time football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me. Jackie Mason player self football Why is it that they have Bibles in every motel room? Why should a man want to read the Bible when he's with a woman alone in a motel room? Why would he be interested? Whatever he's praying for, he's already got! Jackie Mason want men rooms I'm crazy about the fact that the Jewish people should survive because they have so much to contribute and so many values to contribute to the world. It would be a much better world, a much more peaceful and non-violent world if we lived by Jewish values. Jackie Mason jewish-values crazy people You know how many stunning women told me they can't stand a good-looking man? ... Women feel secure with an ugly guy because a man in bad shape isn't gonna cheat. Jackie Mason shapes guy men While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami. Jackie Mason practice christian people Did you hear about the accountant who became am embezzler? He ran away with the accounts payable! Jackie Mason accountants ran accounts I've got a friend who is half-Jewish and half-Italian. If he can't buy it wholesale, he steals it! Jackie Mason stealing italian half Everybody knows we're entitled to one Jerusalem. History reveals very simply that this is our land from the days of the Bible. Jackie Mason jerusalem land knows Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. Jackie Mason funny-love marriage cheating The main problem with the Democrats is their utter negativity. They're made up of schumucks and hypocrites. They also have higher levels of immorality. Jackie Mason negativity levels hypocrite I didn't think it was fair to pretend to give of myself when I was so selfishly consumed with my own drives. Jackie Mason obsession giving thinking Jews are told that they should spend their lives helping others and when they make a lot of money it really bothers them. So, as a way to decrease their guilt, they try to help the underdog. They think, "Why should I be rich when so many suffer?" They feel better once they run to the party that claims to defend the underdog, the Democrats. Jackie Mason feel-better party running The New York Times claims that they publish all the news that's fit to print but what they really do is print all the news that supports their agenda. What they are is the power base of the left. Jackie Mason news support new-york The last thing we need is another Clinton to be our President. Believe me, one lowlife was enough. We don't need the lowlife's partner. Jackie Mason president believe needs The New York Times distorts and defrauds the news and then claims to be impartial. They never give an even-handed version of the news - that's the last thing they'd ever do. Jackie Mason lasts new-york giving A Jew never laughs without looking at his wife for approval. Jackie Mason wife approval laughing A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people. Jackie Mason schmucks disrespect people It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life. Jackie Mason support suicide death A person who speaks good English in New York sounds like a foreigner. Jackie Mason speak new-york sound If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. Jackie Mason apology humor running
