I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid says he will not seek re-election. Harry said he wants to spend more time with his family. As I always say, check with your family. David Letterman minoritiesleaderwant In pop culture news, Lady Gaga got married. And yes, she was wearing white meat. David Letterman meatwhiteculture Ladies and gentlemen, after what I've been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front. David Letterman clothesgentlemanhealth Are you getting a big kick out of the Enron scandal? I find this interesting that whenever a big crisis starts, people start showing up in church. So, Ken Lay shows up in church this weekend. Church officials are still looking for the collection plates. David Letterman enron-scandalweekendpeople Yesterday, the Senate voted to approve President Clinton's decision to send troops to Bosnia. And they voted to change the name of that mission to "Operation Forget About Whitewater". David Letterman decisionnamesyesterday The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal. David Letterman catholicchurchchildren Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York, announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever running for office of the President of the United States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of becoming a two-impeachment family. David Letterman new-yorkdreamrunning Donald Trump may be running for president. He said he is sick and tired of the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, President Trump will certainly put an end to that. David Letterman tiredsickrunning Here's why Sarah Palin says she won't be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that's true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected. David Letterman palinpresidentrunning Jeb Bush may run for President. Bush presidencies are like 'Caddyshack' movies. They should have stopped with one. David Letterman presidentshould-haverunning Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century. David Letterman partyguysteps Let's stop for a moment to admire the rotating pies. David Letterman admirepiemoments Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. David Letterman changefunfall Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel. David Letterman iraqsarcasticfunny For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home. David Letterman comedyhometrying Do good things for other people. David Letterman good-thingspeople Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires? David Letterman billionairedatingtaxes Life experience is the best teacher. David Letterman best-teacherlife-experienceteacher Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger. David Letterman focusmotivationalreality Yesterday was Chinese New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit. And here's how dumb I am. I'm still writing the Year of the Pig on my checks. David Letterman new-yearwritingyears
