I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella. Jimmy Fallon More Quotes by Jimmy Fallon More Quotes From Jimmy Fallon ...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me. Jimmy Fallon dadexcitingfather Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success. Jimmy Fallon Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you. Jimmy Fallon shellsjourneylong I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that's the truth. Jimmy Fallon dadfunbaby You gotta risk it to get the biscuit. Jimmy Fallon fired-upbiscuitsrisk Everyone looks so much better when they smile. Jimmy Fallon smilelooks A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs. Jimmy Fallon reportsfoundjobs Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work. Jimmy Fallon speechpresidentpeople When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be. Jimmy Fallon animalpeoplethinking Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.' Jimmy Fallon thank-youfunnymean Hurricane Irene ... the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers. Jimmy Fallon stormweatheryears A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. Jimmy Fallon researchsittinglong 'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it. Jimmy Fallon messagessillyfun There's a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. That's ridiculous. I don't need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops. Jimmy Fallon updatesfinalswater A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you. Jimmy Fallon divorcecouplekids Listening is more important than talking. Jimmy Fallon listeningtalkingpeace Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to be here in the Amazon. I've always wanted to see where all the books come from.' Jimmy Fallon governmentbookamerica A Pennsylvania woman convicted for shoplifting was sentenced to wear a badge that reads "Convicted Shoplifter." However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain down to a bumper sticker reading "I'd Rather Be Stealing!. Jimmy Fallon pennsylvanialawyerreading Another scandal for Hillary Clinton - they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.' Jimmy Fallon governmentworrymean I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself. Jimmy Fallon here-i-ammean
