I do love standup. I love comedians. They're my community. Also, because I know so many of them, I know the value of them. I know what they can do. Louis C. K. More Quotes by Louis C. K. More Quotes From Louis C. K. You have to be able to do a bunch of things at once, and not think about things you're not doing while you're doing other things. You have to be disciplined about not trying to do everything, all at the same time. It's hard and fun. Louis C. K. fun trying thinking I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. Louis C. K. care bunch want There's people that say “It's not fair You have all that stuff.” I wasn't born with it. It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you're new at this- and by “new at it.” I mean 15 years in, or even 20- you're just starting to grow traction. Young musicians believe they should be able to throw a band together and be famous, and anything that's in their way is unfair and evil. What are you, in your 20s, you picked up a guitar? Give it a minute. Louis C. K. guitar mean believe God is like a shitty girlfriend. Louis C. K. girlfriend laughing thinking Don't text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don't keep telling people what you're doing. Just, because also - also - it lights up your big dumb face. Louis C. K. live-your-life light people If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person." Louis C. K. funny two sex Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. Louis C. K. gay men people For years, Blockbuster Video has edited movies. Like The Bad Lieutenant, when he's masturbating while the girls in the car are doing the thing. I rented it from Blockbuster and sped to that scene, and it was gone. I called up Blockbuster, and I'm like, "I got an erection, and the scene's not there." Louis C. K. girl funny years One time, I threw a candy wrapper on the street. I was with a friend who said to me, You just littered on the street! Don't you care about the environment? And I thought about it, and I said, You know what? This isn't the environment. This is New York City. New York City is not the environment. New York City is a giant piece of litter. Next to Mexico City, it's the shittiest piece of litter in the world. Just a pussy, runny, smokin', stinkin' piece of litter. Louis C. K. pussy cities new-york I know I'm getting old because there will be times when I'm not even doing anything and I'll think, 'I need to go wipe my ass right now.' Louis C. K. wipe needs thinking There's no way you ask Sean Penn a question and then, you're gonna be HUGE ! Louis C. K. sean asks way You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.' Louis C. K. boss impossible People are always fighting for attention with things now because there's so much content. Actually, if you don't tell people stuff - you just keep your mouth shut - you don't have to whisper it, you just don't yell. Take the bullhorn off your mouth and it's a secret. Louis C. K. fighting secret people Working in TV and navigating success is a tricky thing. It's easier to navigate the hard work of starting out because you just do anything they let you do, but once you get into an orbit, after the thrusters have pushed you into the orbit, now you have to navigate that orbit. There's no choices when you're starting out. You're just like, "Please, let me do anything." But then it turns around and it's like, "We'll let you do anything". Louis C. K. tricky hard-work choices When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. Louis C. K. tvs light sleep I've started to kind of hate people, and it's not because I have anything against them. It's just, I enjoy it. It's recreation. Louis C. K. hate people thinking You can't direct without a good crew. Louis C. K. crew direct You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. Louis C. K. men mean people Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on! Louis C. K. fathers-day home running A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. Louis C. K. hurt names want
