I don't have a massive fan base. I don't have Patton Oswalt numbers, but the fan base I have is incredibly generous, and of the 22,000 people who follow me on Twitter, I think almost all of those people participate.

Greg Behrendt

Categorized in : Me Think People Numbers

big plans require big action by Greg Behrendt

big plans require big action

plans bigs action

Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?

weekend gay real

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

ex-boyfriend guy together

So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.

becoming-an-adult adults kind

Sometimes people change their minds, sometimes they meet someone else, sometimes they get sober, and sometimes he was just a jerk who you're lucky to be rid of.

change mind people

Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.

notes faster long

Don't waste the pretty by Greg Behrendt

Don't waste the pretty

waste

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comed... by Greg Behrendt

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.

dating comedian book

How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?

white believe thinking

Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

wife children people

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm... by Greg Behrendt

I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

prisoner real mean

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just... by Greg Behrendt

If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

sweaters fine pants

It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

pretending insects people

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to... by Greg Behrendt

My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.

wife want beautiful

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted t... by Greg Behrendt

Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.

wasted-time wasting-time blow

For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

mess breakup change

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

halloween attitude kids

It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a d... by Greg Behrendt

It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.

childhood lasts dream

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.) by Greg Behrendt

Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

cheater

Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex. by Greg Behrendt

Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.

feelings mean sex