I don't have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as I'm alive and I'm living and I'm experiencing different things every day, the show will always change. Gabriel Iglesias More Quotes by Gabriel Iglesias More Quotes From Gabriel Iglesias You know, a lot of people think that just 'cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you'll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were. Gabriel Iglesias longyearsthinking I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight. Gabriel Iglesias caketonightknowing There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn. Gabriel Iglesias fluffylevelshealthy Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were? Gabriel Iglesias peopleyears I'm a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds. Gabriel Iglesias tearsboysfunny With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense? Gabriel Iglesias common-senseclassschool When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I'll let you know right now, there's only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one. Gabriel Iglesias barssafetyway I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake. Gabriel Iglesias cokedrinkcake Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run. Gabriel Iglesias hateracerunning Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years. Gabriel Iglesias life-isyears You live by the cake, you die by the cake. Gabriel Iglesias cakedieslive-by We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives. Gabriel Iglesias our-familyfamily Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are. Gabriel Iglesias policealcoholpeople If you put your personal stories out there people always connect. Gabriel Iglesias personal-storiesstoriespeople Why would anybody connect to someone who has everything going for them? It's the person who has faults that people want to connect to. So people identify with certain insecurities on stage and just by me talking about my diabetes people come up to me after the show and tell me "Gabe, my blood sugar is out of control and I feel you". That's the first thing they say, they say "I feel you!". Gabriel Iglesias talkingbloodpeople I don't even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. I'm looking at all the aisles... they don't have one that says 'oops. Gabriel Iglesias cluetestspregnancy I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American. Gabriel Iglesias halfwayworld Anything is possible as long as you're focused, determined and you really want to do it. Gabriel Iglesias determinedwantlong I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.' Gabriel Iglesias comedianmeanpeople Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don't ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like 'this guy is ready to party.' Gabriel Iglesias offensivepartyguy
