I don't know anything about you, so when you randomly come up and grab my ass, this isn't a friend doing it. It's like, "Who the f### is doing...? I was not expecting that."

Brad Williams

Categorized in : Come Up Ass Expecting

That is the most confusing and insane thing to me, when people get offended on behalf of another group.

confusing insane people

If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, "That joke offended me," I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.

asian black people

I hate that when people are like, "Well, all dwarves know each other, right?" And you want to get mad, but you can't because we do.

dwarves hate people

I don't get the animosity when someone tells a joke that you don't like. Whereas if someone made a dish that you don't like if you went to a restaurant, you would either try another dish or you just don't go back to that restaurant. But you don't say like, "I did not like the hamburger here. This restaurant should be shut down. It should be banned from making hamburgers. No one else should have these hamburgers." And everyone else is like, "No, you wouldn't do that."

hamburgers should-have trying

It's weird when people ask me, "Why are you so nice?" It's like, "Because that's just what you should do. You should be kind to people." It seems really basic, but it's amazing how many people forget that.

be-kind nice people

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a prof... by Brad Williams

It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.

amount idiot

When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, "And now his watch is over." That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, "And now his tour is done."

comedian soldier night

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

majority mad people

The personal boundaries, I think for comedians they're a little bit different anyway, but I think people - feel free to do stuff - It's interesting with comedians because when we walk on stage, oftentimes we're talking about ourselves for an hour and we're talking about very intimate details, so after hearing us for an hour, a lot of people feel very comfortable with us because they feel like they know us and they're our friends because we just told them our innermost secrets and details of our lives for an hour. What they forget is we know absolutely nothing about the audience.

talking people thinking

Everyone's going to have a racist tweet, a homophobic tweet, a xenophobic tweet, a misogynist tweet. Everyone's going to have a tweet or a post or something that's not going to be ideal, and because of that, you can't really throw stones too hard at the people that do, because if we examined your life in every way, shape, or form, went through every single post with a fine-toothed comb and under that microscope, would it come out all sunshine and lollipops?

sunshine racist people

I've been to Canada, and they love - oh my God, they love their stand-up comedy in Canada. I've been overseas to do shows for the troops all over the Middle East, and I actually went to China recently and did shows, not for the troops, but just for local Chinese people, and Americans that have moved there, and things like that. It was fantastic. They got it. They're way smarter than we give them credit for.

chinese giving people

I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.

australia country people

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true. by Brad Williams

Comedian makes the statement that just isn't true.

statements comedian

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just... by Brad Williams

I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.

issues silly trying

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

clubs comedy happens

Half the time, you go on any one of these news sites, whether it be a Yahoo or a Google, and one of the top headlines is always, "Did a comedian go too far?" or "Comedian offends." It's like, "Really? Comedian?" A person that's supposed to make funny and make silly and historically was the only person who was allowed to make fun of the king? We're the ones that you're taking seriously?

kings silly fun

I like to play video games, I like to keep up with sports, and I just like to spend time with people, because I'm on the road so much that when I'm home, I like to spend time with people that I don't normally get to see.

games home sports

People ask me a lot like, "Hey, so when are you done with your tour?" Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

hey done people

I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you. by Brad Williams

I found out if you're a funny guy, a lot of people like you.

like-you guy people

I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh... by Brad Williams

I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, "Oh, what do I do for fun?"

workaholic fun interesting