I had a calling, this is what happened, I've explained the story many times. I've had my priest on, I've had atheists on. When I explain my conversion to atheists, my personal series of events, they go, "Oh, alright." Jay Mohr More Quotes by Jay Mohr More Quotes From Jay Mohr I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball. Jay Mohr baseball years thinking If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks. Jay Mohr nosebleeds team knows If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks. Jay Mohr mascots team ifs Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts. Jay Mohr mulligans contracts football Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players? Jay Mohr player baseball dresses True Yankees are born, not made. Jay Mohr born yankees made I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone. Jay Mohr show-business shows home I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid. Jay Mohr men mean kids Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room. Jay Mohr fantastic rivers rooms I didn't want to fight a guy from England. What if I lose? Not that English guys aren't strong, but who wants to get beat up by a guy with that voice? That's not the most masculine voice to take a beating to. Jay Mohr voice fighting strong Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing. Jay Mohr fantasy good-things football Some ladies got the shower massager. Oh, man, you better buy her a diamond 'cause if she got a shower massager, she don't really need you anymore. That shower massager makes a woman shake like a car on bad gas going up a hill. Jay Mohr car causes men I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get. Jay Mohr thinking You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab. Jay Mohr homeless broke driving I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field. Jay Mohr obscene spending fields Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets. Jay Mohr imperfection sound men You can vibe out when people are getting tired or they're too drunk to keep going along with. Jay Mohr drunk tired people If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick. Jay Mohr gratuity waitress legs But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it. Jay Mohr timing comedian kind All that waiting around for a glimmer of stage time, just getting angry every week... It was just an oppressive, horrible, horrible place to be. I went to work feeling nauseous. Jay Mohr week waiting-around feelings
