I like my cinema gritty, I like my eggs gritty. David Letterman More Quotes by David Letterman More Quotes From David Letterman Mitt Romney looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear ... He looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial. David Letterman guygolfrunning Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and agonized over every word, and so will you. David Letterman pagesbigsbook Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. David Letterman icepartyyears President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound. David Letterman weekpresidenttwo Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York David Letterman new-yorkfunnymoving The entire island of Martha's Vineyard has gone Obama crazy. There's even a cocktail that they've named after Barack Obama. It's called the Obamarita. Not to be confused with a cocktail inspired by John McCain, the Cosmopoligrip. And then there was one a couple of years ago inspired by George W. Bush, the Mojidiot. Of course, there was the Bill Clinton Screwdriver. David Letterman confusedcrazycouple The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins. David Letterman partycouplefun President Obama says he wants to put an end to the policy, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell.' Yeah, in the military. This is not to be confused with George Bush's policy, 'Don't Know, Don't Care.' That's a whole different deal. David Letterman confusedmilitarypresident Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for. David Letterman fox-newsfoxesjobs Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That's for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve. David Letterman halloweenholidaymen They have dog food for constipated dogs. If your dog is constipated, why screw up a good thing? Stay indoors and let 'em bloat! David Letterman screw-upsdogfunny Here's good news: George W. Bush says that he is committed to fighting global warming. Yeah, well, he nipped that in the bud, didn't he? ... President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun David Letterman fightingpresidentmatter I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. David Letterman comedygentlemanrunning Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush. David Letterman wellswhitehouse The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us. David Letterman eightorganizationyears It's interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression. David Letterman officecountryinteresting Valentine's Day money-saving tips: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. In place of bubble bath, use lavender-scented dish-washing liquid. Forget rose petals. Sprinkle the bed with sliced beets! David Letterman valentinetogetherrose We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. David Letterman working-very-hardapologysecret Newt Gingrich is against same-sex marriage. Well, actually, he's against same-marriage sex. David Letterman newtswellssex It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan? David Letterman ramadanthanksgivingdoe
