I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes by P. J. O'Rourke More Quotes From P. J. O'Rourke Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race P. J. O'Rourke elementsauthorityrace At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats. P. J. O'Rourke uselessphilosophychildren Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it. P. J. O'Rourke republicanpartygovernment A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to do good with other peoples' money. P. J. O'Rourke libertygovernmentcaring It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy. P. J. O'Rourke parentchildrenamerica We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine? P. J. O'Rourke cancerhorsemcdonalds People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth. P. J. O'Rourke people When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. P. J. O'Rourke funny-inspirationalgovernmentwitty You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism. P. J. O'Rourke cubachineseneeds Freedom is not empowerment. Empowerment is what the Serbs have in Bosnia. Anybody can grab a gun and be empowered. It's not entitlement. An entitlement is what people on welfare get, and how free are they? It's not an endlessly expanding list of rights - the "right" to education, the "right" to food and housing. That's not freedom, that's dependency. Those aren't rights, those are the rations of slavery - hay and a barn for human cattle. P. J. O'Rourke gunrightspeople There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions. P. J. O'Rourke our-actionslibertyaccepting Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about. P. J. O'Rourke knowslittles In general, life is better than it has ever been, and if you think that, in the past, there was some golden age of pleasure and plenty to which you would, if you were able, transport yourself, let me say one single word : Dentistry. P. J. O'Rourke historypastthinking Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes. P. J. O'Rourke familymommother The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. P. J. O'Rourke threekidslooks In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character. P. J. O'Rourke failurecharacterdeath No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal P. J. O'Rourke fantasybedsexually Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste and style mixed together so that you don't need any of those things. P. J. O'Rourke good-manstyletogether If I give up drinking, smoking, and fatty foods, I can add ten years to my life. Trouble is, I'll add it to the wrong end. P. J. O'Rourke giving-updrinkingyears I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger. P. J. O'Rourke politiciandangerlying
