I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. W. C. Fields More Quotes by W. C. Fields More Quotes From W. C. Fields When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty. W. C. Fields lost-everything comedy hope When asked to borrow money: "I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer. W. C. Fields lawyer money ifs Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do. W. C. Fields smart clever funny Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol. W. C. Fields hysteria religious drinking I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. W. C. Fields hollywood ends drinking Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy. W. C. Fields fields drinking thinking I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face. W. C. Fields humorous memories funny How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart? W. C. Fields cost-of-living race two I can do anything I want to do! W. C. Fields i-can can-do want I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game. W. C. Fields shells united-states games I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. W. C. Fields knows I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m. W. C. Fields drink Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died. W. C. Fields buried my-wife wife Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together! W. C. Fields bars drinking together If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon. W. C. Fields old-hollywood saloons ifs The best thing to break is a contract. W. C. Fields best-things contracts break I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother. W. C. Fields my-own mother I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers. W. C. Fields business race years The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. W. C. Fields comedian can-do I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees. W. C. Fields race tree people
