I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includ... by Jasper Fforde

I shouldn't believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

Jasper Fforde

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Categorized in : Believe Ifs

Don't move," said Sprockett."Mimes don't generally attack unless... by Jasper Fforde

Don't move," said Sprockett."Mimes don't generally attack unless they are threatened.

mime said moving

...the landscape inside Lord of the Rings was so stunning and so stupendous that it could be absorbed as a form of nourishment.

landscape form lord

...being written by someone who might not quite understand the subconscious nuance of the character leaves us in varying degrees of flatness.

nuance might character

Literature is claimed to be a mirror of the world,” I said, “but the Outlanders are fooling themselves. The BookWorld is as orderly as people in the RealWorld hope their own world to be—it isn’t a mirror, it’s an aspiration.

mirrors literature people

Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error har... by Jasper Fforde

Anything devised by man has bureaucracy, corrpution and error hardwired at inception.

bureaucracy errors men

It wasn’t going to be hard…it was going to be impossible. It wouldn’t deter me. I'd done impossible things several times in the past, and the prospect didn’t scare me as much as it used to.

impossible-things scare past

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, O’er a plan to venge myself upon that cursed Thursday Next- This Eyre affair, so surprising, gives my soul such loath despising, Here I plot my temper rising, rising from my jail of text. “Get me out!” I said, advising, “Pluck me from this jail of text- or I swear I’ll wring your neck!

jail soul giving

DCI Horner's advice to Jack Spratt: "Remember, m'boy," his old boss had said, eyes twinkling, "that if anyone tries to get the better of you, stand up straight and say to yourself in an imperious air, 'I am the new Mrs. de Winter now!' You'll find it works wonders.

eye winter boys

I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your heart and soul to the smiter.

giving-up love friendship

How many people want to read about three disreputable pigs and a dopey wolf with a disposition towards house demolition?

house pigs people

Without a yardstick sometimes the high points can be taken for gr... by Jasper Fforde

Without a yardstick sometimes the high points can be taken for granted.

yardsticks taken sometimes

Maybe those sorts of yes-or-no life-and-death decisions are easier to make because they are so black and white. I can cope with them because it's easier. Human emotions, well. . .they're just a fathomless collection of grays and I don't do so well on the midtones.

life-and-death black-and-white decision

We were developing a machine that used egg white, heat and sugar to synthesize methanol when a power surge caused an implosion. Owens was meringued. By the time we chipped him out the poor chap had expired.

machines eggs white

Cash is always the deciding factor in such matters of moral politics; nothing ever gets done unless motivated by commerce or greed.

cash greed done

I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.

hackers six-months garden

If you enjoyed laughing in the face of death, you might like to have a crack at High Saffron. One hundred merits, and all you have to do is take a look.' 'I understand there's a one hundred percent fatality rate?' 'True. But up until the moment of death there was a one hundred percent survival rate. Really, I shouldn't let anything as meaningless as statistics put you off.

cracks survival laughing

Mr. Pewter led them through to a library, filled with thousands of antiquarian books. 'Impressive, eh?' 'Very,' said Jack. 'How did you amass all these?' 'Well,' said Pewter, 'You know the person who always borrows books and never gives them back?' 'Yes...?' 'I'm that person.

library giving book

There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve repre... by Jasper Fforde

There are a lot of idiots in this country, and they deserve representation as much as the next man.

next men country

I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.

penguins littles children

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's ex... by Jasper Fforde

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.

bits taste bird