I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus. Jasper Fforde More Quotes by Jasper Fforde More Quotes From Jasper Fforde Books may look like nothing more than words on a page, but they are actually an infinitely complex imaginotransference technology that translates odd, inky squiggles into pictures inside your head. Jasper Fforde technology book looks If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution. Jasper Fforde real life book Failure concentrates the mind wonderfully. If you don't make mistakes, you're not trying hard enough. Jasper Fforde mind mistake trying After all, reading is arguably a far more creative and imaginative process than writing; when the reader creates emotion in their head, or the colors of the sky during the setting sun, or the smell of a warm summer's breeze on their face, they should reserve as much praise for themselves as they do for the writer - perhaps more. Jasper Fforde reading healing summer If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Jasper Fforde real book world She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe. Jasper Fforde rest-of-life elderly expectations Ill-fitting grammar are like ill-fitting shoes. You can get used to it for a bit, but then one day your toes fall off and you can't walk to the bathroom. Jasper Fforde shoes one-day fall Governments and fashions come and go but Jane Eyre is for all time. Jasper Fforde all-time fashion government If it weren't for greed, intolerance, hate, passion and murder, you would have no works of art, no great buildings, no medical science, no Mozart, no Van Gough, no Muppets and no Louis Armstrong. Jasper Fforde passion hate art Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction. Jasper Fforde extinction cat friendly Almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. Jasper Fforde Love and magic are like oil and water--they just don't mix. Jasper Fforde oil-and-water oil water For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert. Jasper Fforde experts opposites science If only life were that simple; if one could jump to the good parts and flick through the bad. Jasper Fforde simple ifs Humans like stories. Humans need stories. Stories are good. Stories work. Story clarifies and captures the essence of the human spirit. Story, in all its forms—of life, of love, of knowledge—has traced the upward surge of mankind. And story, you mark my words, will be with the last human to draw breath. Jasper Fforde essence stories needs Religion isn't the cause of wars, it's the excuse. Jasper Fforde excuse causes war Acceptable rules of conduct were suspended when it came to the spoon shortage. The deficit had gotten so bad that prices were all but unaffordable, and dynastic spoon succession had become a matter of considerable interest. Spoons were even postcode engraved and carried on one's person to eliminate theft, and good table manners, one of the eight pillars upon which the Collective was built, had been relaxed to allow tea to be stirred - shockingly - with the handle of a fork. Jasper Fforde pillars eight tea Don't let anyone tell you the future is already written. The best any prophet can do is to give you the most likely version of future events. It is up to us to accept the future for what it is, or change it. It is easy to go with the flow; it takes a person of singular courage to go against it. Jasper Fforde events flow giving the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe Jasper Fforde believe lying people Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea. Jasper Fforde tea time firsts
