I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg. Christian Finnegan More Quotes by Christian Finnegan More Quotes From Christian Finnegan Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money. Christian Finnegan pimp intellectual sex Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges. Christian Finnegan molestation charity effort The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence. Christian Finnegan intelligence intelligent facts It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral. Christian Finnegan avoiding genius America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period. Christian Finnegan wizards entering america I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are. Christian Finnegan twelve boring people I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything. Christian Finnegan physicians people needs I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, "Well, I could always go back to law school." Christian Finnegan teaching drama school What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed! Christian Finnegan car weed people What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement. Christian Finnegan opposites people thinking I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the stuff that interests me. I don't necessarily think that comedy comes from a dark place, like you have to be a strung-out heroin addict. But I don't think it comes from happiness, that's for sure. It comes from frustration and suppressed rage, and wishing the world were different. Christian Finnegan dark happiness believe My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer. Christian Finnegan nice couple college Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful. Christian Finnegan guy powerful jesus Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows. Christian Finnegan favors guy talking Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Christian Finnegan guy people years There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that. Christian Finnegan situation people I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely. Christian Finnegan starting-over awkward sleep If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker. Christian Finnegan als pigs thinking If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort. Christian Finnegan neighbor opportunity trying People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome? Christian Finnegan monkeys might people
