I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing... When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid. Bill Maher More Quotes by Bill Maher More Quotes From Bill Maher Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.' Bill Maher suicidegoddeath What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don't call him stupid because they don't agree with you politically. Bill Maher stupidlove-youbelieve You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash. Bill Maher windmillsenvironmentalsea Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence. Bill Maher countrybookreality Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion! Bill Maher confidenceusagay A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself. He lied about his age and his marital status. He said he was 39 and divorced. He's 46 and married, though being a Republican congressman, I'm guessing he's really 60 and gay. Bill Maher flirtinggayage Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window. Bill Maher weedgaysuicide Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him? Bill Maher worship-youego-problemreligion F. Scott Fitzgerald has an indespensible quote: 'The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at once and still retain the ability to function'. Or, as I like to call it, 'O.J. killed his wife, and the police are corrupt.' Bill Maher wifetwoideas False hope really makes you cynical. Bill Maher false-hopecynical They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed. Bill Maher marijuanafunnymean Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids. Bill Maher gaylawkids Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and I need them to admit the historical existence of George W. Bush. If your party can run the nation for eight years and then have a national convention and not invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, or Tom DeLay, you're not a political movement, you're the witness protection program. Bill Maher partyrunningyears Men are only as loyal as their options. Bill Maher humorouswittyfunny We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. Bill Maher usaresponsibilityfunny Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other countries have to use mud. Bill Maher holidaythanksgivingcountry Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position. Bill Maher atheismsexreligion I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight. Bill Maher funnysciencelying Obama is not a secret Kenyon, or a secret Muslim, he's a secret Republican. Bill Maher republicansecret New Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit across from another dateless loser with a laptop, it still doesn't look like you're working--it looks like you're playing Battleship. Bill Maher applescoffeeguy
