I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. Woody Allen More Quotes by Woody Allen More Quotes From Woody Allen The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts. Woody Allen maturitytestsawakening Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen moneyorderchildren I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen beautifulfunnysex I'm sure there are people in Hollywood, whose main drive in film is to make money, who will feel that any use of the word hijacking or any reference to anything violent or remotely associated with the terrible tragedy that occurred will lose customers for them. And that will be the only criterion that will matter and so they'll force the minions that work for them to remove these things from their movies, or not make movies about that subject. Woody Allen hollywoodtragedypeople I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen humorouswittyfunny I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen thirdslife-isbirthday The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. Woody Allen things-in-lifeevilthinking For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. Woody Allen marriageattitudeyears Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser! Woody Allen humorouswittyhoney Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale? Woody Allen aggressiveraceworld My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went. Woody Allen pieceslandfather Achilles only had an Achilles heel, I have an entire Achilles body. Woody Allen achilles-heelachillesbody He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen politicspoliticalchildren I'm a teleological, existential agnostic. Woody Allen agnosticexistential Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym. Woody Allen annie-hallhumorouswitty Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables. Woody Allen choicesvegetablestwo Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. Woody Allen humorouswittysex There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. Woody Allen elderlylonelinessboys And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. Woody Allen parentinghumorouswitty You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen windtwoart
